[In the city part of Bikini Bottom, everyone screams and points at a giant Plankton robot as it grabs a handful of people in each hand and drops them inside the Chum Bucket.]

Plankton: [everyone running around inside] Oh, good, the lunch rush. Now that my ChumBot has dropped you into my clutches, you'll be forced to eat at the Chum Bucket. [everyone stops in their tracks]

Nat: What?! You mean you kidnapped us just to sell us your fast food?

Plankton: Come on, it's a standard marketing technique. [people leave]

Nat: You little twerp!

Plankton: Hey!

Karen: He's right, ya know.

Plankton: Karen?! You think I'm a twerp?

Karen: Well, yes, but I was referring to the kidnapping.

Plankton: Everything I do is always wrong in your eyes.

Karen: Maybe it's because you are always wrong.

Plankton: Fine. I'm wrong, you're right.

Karen: You said it, not me. You know, you're lucky to have me.

Plankton: [walking away] Why did I ever install that nagging software?

Karen: Nagging software? I heard that! Come back and dust my screen!

Mr. Krabs: Oh, money. You're always there for me. [kissing noisily]

Mama Krabs: Hello, Eugene

Mr. Krabs: Mother! Uh, what brings ya by today?

Mama Krabs: I just wanted to see my favorite son.

Mr. Krabs: How much of my money do you want?

Mama Krabs: Well, I did see the prettiest hat in town today.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, look at the time! So sorry to have to rush off. Bye! [pushes Mama Krabs out his office and closes his door] Whew, that was a close one.

Plankton: Why did I ever buy that computer wife? I need a real woman - not a girl in a cold-hearted shell. [Plankton hears Mama Krabs humming outside so he brings down his periscope on her] Such beauty. She's an angel; and no wires. I've never felt like this before. I don't even know her name and yet she's stolen my heart.

Karen: Plankton! You've fallen in love with another woman?! I'm your wife!

Plankton: You're a W.I.F.E. [pulls out chart] Wired Integratred Female Electroencephalograph.

Karen: Oh, you always pull that one out! "You're not a real wife, you're just a computer!"

Plankton: [sighing] Why don't you have an 'off' switch? [sees an off switch and smiles]

Karen: Plankton, don't you dare... [turns off]

Plankton: And now to woo that beloved creature. [cut to Mama Krabs taking a nap while ChumBot is looking through her window. Then the robot grabs her]

ChumBot: Roses are red. Violets are blue. World domination has nothing on you. [she screams]

Plankton: Hmmm, I guess she's not a poetry fan. [everyone is running around screaming while the robot is using its eye laser to spell out "I ♥ You" on the ground, but while destroying some of the town when doing this. Mama Krabs reads it and screams a few times] Poetry, love notes--nothing's working. Maybe something personal. [Mama Krabs is shrieking. The robot walks over to a rock and karate chops a memorial-like statue of Mama Krabs' head and puts her down]

Mama Krabs: [stops screaming] Am I really that pretty?

Plankton: Oh, yeah... I am smooth. [cut to later in his restaurant by a phone] Just dial the number and ask her to dinner. C'mon, you can do this. [dial tones beeping; Plankton grunting]

Mama Krabs: Hello? [Plankton panting in the phone] I'm hanging up.

Plankton: Wait! It's your secret admirer.

Mama Krabs: Oh, you're that giant robot?

Plankton: [laughing] No. I program the robot. Did you enjoy the gift I sent you?

Mama Krabs: How did you know I wanted a hat? Have you been spying on me? [6 TV screens are set-up to in different parts of Mama Krabs house]

Plankton: It was...just a lucky guess. I've admired you from afar for far too long, my angel. We must meet face-to-face.

Mama Krabs: Well, how about the Krusty Krab? Tonight at 8:00?

Plankton: Sounds wonderful. I'll be the tall fellow wearing a red carnation. Until tonight, my dear. [cut to Mama Krabs walking into the Krusty Krab]

Mr. Krabs: Ah! Quick, SpongeBob, swallow me wallet!

SpongeBob: OK. [Mr. Krabs shoves his wallet in SpongeBob's mouth and SpongeBob swallows it]

Mr. Krabs: Oh, sorry, Mommy. I can't lend you any money. SpongeBob accidentally swallowed me wallet. [sniffs his mother's hat] Mommy, you got yourself a hat without my financial assistance.

Mama Krabs: Isn't it nice, Eugene? It's just the one I wanted.

Mr. Krabs: But Mommy, you shouldn't be spending me inheritance... I mean, since, you told me you wanted a hat, I went out and I dug one up. [takes out a hat with holes in it]

Mama Krabs: Where did you get this old thing? [at a funeral where two fish are paying their respects to the person in the coffin]

Nat: She looks so peaceful.

Fred: Yeah. But wasn't she wearing a hat? [Mr. Krabs is seen running out with the hat behind him]

Mama Krabs: You can take this back to the trash heap.

Mr. Krabs: Yes, Mommy. [tosses hat and shovel to Squidward] Squidward, I need you to make a return for me.

Mama Krabs: Thank ye for your concern for my finances, but me new boyfriend bought me this hat.

Mr. Krabs: Boyfriend? Someone to spend money...I mean time with you? That's wonderful! Who is he? What's his name?

Mama Krabs: I don't know. I'm meeting him here, tonight.

Mr. Krabs: Wonderful! I'll stay open late so ye can have a nice, romantic dinner. Run along, make yourself pretty. SpongeBob, you're working late tonight. No overtime! [SpongeBob lunges himself into the door. Cut to Plankton wearing a rose, walking into the Krusty Krab where SpongeBob is in a waiter uniform]

Plankton: [clears throat] I've reservations for two, tonight.

SpongeBob: Right this way, sir. [SpongeBob pulls back the chair for Plankton as he jumps up on it]

Plankton: [shouts] Excuse me, I can't reach my silverware!

SpongeBob: Terribly sorry, sir. [reaches into his pocket and takes out a miniature table and chair. Places it on top of the big table, then grabs Plankton and places him in the chair] Will there be anything else?

Plankton: Is my tie on straight?

SpongeBob: You look fabulous! [Mama Krabs walks in] Your gentlemen caller awaits. [Mama Krabs walks up to the table]

Plankton: [pulls rose away from his body] Hello, my dear. I must say you look ravishing tonight. [Mama Krabs notices Plankton]

Mama Krabs: Oh, my, you're a tiny thing, but awfully cute. Tell me about yourself. [sits down in a chair that SpongeBob has brought to her]

Plankton: Well, I'm in the food service business. I'm a bit of a restaurateur. I'm the founder and owner of the Chum Bucket.

Mama Krabs: Never heard of it.

Plankton: [Points to the Chum Bucket] It's across the street.

Mama Krabs: Doesn't ring a bell. [Plankton shows her the back of a phone book with a picture of him and the Chum Bucket]

Plankton: It's on the back of the phone book! Come on! I paid a lotta money for that ad! [Puts the book away] Never mind, never mind. I'd like to hear about you.

Mama Krabs: Well...

Mr. Krabs: Plankton!

Plankton: Krabs!

Mama Krabs: Eugene!

Mr. Krabs: Mommy?

Plankton: "Mommy?"

SpongeBob: [jumps in the air] SpongeBob!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob...!

Plankton: This delectable creature is your mother?

Mr. Krabs: This no-good conniving chiseler is your date!?

SpongeBob: And this devilishly handsome sponge is your waiter.

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! I don't know what sort of skulduggery you're up to, Plankton, and I'm not waiting to find out. [picks up Plankton by his antennae]

Mama Krabs: Eugene, you better put me boyfriend down, this instant!

Plankton: Boyfriend?

Mr. Krabs: But, mommy...

Plankton: You heard the lady. Let me go. [Mr. Krabs drops him into Mama Krabs' hand]

Plankton: That's more like it.

Mama Krabs: Come, Plankton. I'm sorry me son had to spoil our romantic evening.

Mr. Krabs: Mommy? [cut to Plankton cleaning a picture of Mama Krabs then in walks Mr. Krabs] You!

Plankton: Eugene.

Mr. Krabs: I came to warn you, Plankton. Stay away from me mother. I know what you're really up to.

Plankton: I'm serious, Eugene. I've changed my ways. And all it took was the love of a beautiful woman.

Mr. Krabs: All you like is thieving and conniving. Now, stop trying to get the formula out of me mother.

Plankton: What are you talking about?

Mr. Krabs: I'm talking about the Krabby Patty formula!

Plankton: Your mother knows the Krabby Patty formula?

Mr. Krabs: Don't play stupid with me. Of course she does. It's an old Krabs family recipe, and you're not family! [Plankton frowns] I'm telling you for the last time: stay away from me mother. [walks out]

Plankton: Not family, eh? Well, I can fix that. [cut to Mama Krabs walking into the Krusty Krab]

Mama Krabs: Eugene!

Mr. Krabs: Mommy!

Mama Krabs: What did I tell ye about interfering in me life?

Mr. Krabs: Mommy, can't you see? He's trying to seduce the Krabby Patty formula right from under you.

Mama Krabs: For your information, Eugene, he hasn't asked me once about the formula. I doubt that he even knows that I know it.

Mr. Krabs: [chuckles nervously, pulling his shirt as he realizes he let that slip needlessly.] Uh, yeah...funny thing about that.

Mama Krabs: I forbid ye to interfere in me private business. Go to your office, now!

Mr. Krabs: Yes, mommy. [walks into his office]

Plankton: Somebody call heaven because I think an angel's gone missing.

Mama Krabs: Oh, Sheldon.

Plankton: Oh, Mrs. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, brother.

Plankton: Attention, attention, everyone. I'd like to make an announcement. Mrs. Krabs, in full view of this restaurant, I ask you for your hand in holy matrimony.

Crowd: Aw!

Plankton: Would you marry me? [a big diamond ring is shown up close]

Mr. Krabs: Ah, that's it! No more hiding in my room like a scared little kid, it's time to act like a man! [he flies, screaming, and jumps at Plankton]

Plankton: Gasp!

Mr. Krabs: [jumps in his mother's lap] Please don't marry him, mommy! Don't marry this bad, bad man! I don't want you to!

Plankton: Too late, Krabsy. We're going to be married. And you're gonna be my new son! [laughs maniacally. Mama Krabs hands the ring back to Plankton] Huh? What's this, honey bunch?

Mama Krabs: I'm flattered by your offer, really I am, but I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment. [Mr. Krabs laughs]

Plankton: What is this? There's somebody else, isn't there?

ChumBot: [breaks into Krusty Krab with flowers] I... I... this is very uncomfortable. I'll just wait in the car.

Plankton: I don't believe this! You led me on!

Mama Krabs: Now, now Plankton, it's not what you think.

Plankton: I don't wanna hear your lies! You owe me for leading on like this! Give me the Krabby Patty formula and we'll call it even.

Mama Krabs: The formula? Is that what this whole thing was about?

Plankton: No! No, not really. I mean... not at first. I mean uh... Uh, honey bunch? [Mama Krabs shows her muscles, which show a ship's cannons] Uh-oh. [she punches Plankton back to the Chum Bucket] Oh, well. Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all! [Plankton ends up flying into the ON switch of Karen.]

Karen: Working.

Plankton: So, you decided to come crawling back to me, huh?

Karen: [beginning to zap Plankton] What did you say?

Plankton: Nothing. Nothing, dear.

Karen: [zaps Plankton] Yeah. That's what I thought you said, honey bunch.

Plankton: Ow!