[At a diner, the episode starts and it is raining outside. Inside, a man in a hat with a suit and tie is sitting at the bar, looking for his pen. A waitress pours him some coffee into his cup.]

Ted: Oh, no, I lost my pen.

[The Waitress takes a pen out of her hair.]

Waitress: You can borrow mine.

[She hands her pen to Ted.]

Ted: Thanks.

SpongeBob: I lost something once. [Pans to SpongeBob sitting at a booth with some coffee.] I lost something I couldn't live without-- my identity. [the two fish look at SpongeBob then they ignore him.]

Ted: So, anyway, thanks for the pen.

Waitress: No problem, hon.

SpongeBob: [walking on the counter] It all started last week-- Monday morning to be exact-- the day I lost my identity.

[Ted looks at his watch.]

Ted: [whispers] I've gotta go.

[Flashback to Monday morning where SpongeBob is sleeping until his alarm goes off]

SpongeBob: [jumps up and throws his blanket in the air] Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it. [his blanket lands on his head and he struggles to get it off] Awk! Gary, help! I can't see. Gary! [SpongeBob puts his foot on the floor to feel around for Gary] Gary, are you there? [falls on his face. His alarm falls on his head] Ow! [stands up] Gary? Gary, buddy? I need you to be my eyes, okay? Am I near the bathroom? [shrieks as he falls down the staircase. When he falls into the living room, his alarm clock spits him out] Gary? [hits one of his windows] Gare? [slides off the window]

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Gary. Now that my horrific incident of terror is over, how about some breakfast? [grabs a can of snail food then sings and dances] The most important meal of the day, serving it up Gary's way-- pop! [pours the can into Gary's bowl] Enjoy, buddy. Hmm, you know, I've been feeding this to Gary for years, and I don't even know what it tastes like. [sticks out his tongue and tastes the snail food but finds it disgusting, sound echoes from his pineapple house] Blech! [sound echoes through the streets] Blech! [sound echoes to the Snail Po headquarters] Blech!

Incidental 49: What is it, Peterson?

Peterson: I'm not sure. I feel... a disturbance. [cuts back to SpongeBob's house where he is carrying his pants on a hanger]

SpongeBob: That was the worst thing I've ever tasted. Oh well, at least I'll never have to do it again. [looks at his watch] Barnacles! All these shenanigans made me late for work. [spins and his pants are on his head] Ooh! [spins and his pants are in his arm] Uh oh. [spins and his pants are in the correct place but the collars are missing] All right! [walks out the door and past Patrick]

Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Hi Patrick! [he skips and sings. Scene cuts to the present at the Diner where SpongeBob skips and sings while sitting on a chair]

Waitress: Wait a minute. When exactly did you lose your identity?

Ted: Yeah, and who's Patrick?

Diner Chef: Why did you eat Snail-Po?

SpongeBob: Ah, ah, ah, patience, good people. A great story can't be rushed. However, I will skip ahead to the Krusty Krab. [cut to the Krusty Krab where SpongeBob opens the door with a food tray in his hand] Order up! [walks to Debbie] One Krabby Patty grilled with the fiery warmth of my beating heart. Enjoy.

Debbie: Thanks, uh... [looks closely at his shirt] Oh.

SpongeBob: Is there a problem?

Debbie: Well, you really should be wearing a name tag so I can thank you properly.

SpongeBob: [laughs] While it is against my philosophy to disagree with the customer, I must point out that I am in fact wearing a name tag, right here. [points to an empty spot on his shirt where his name tag should be] Huh? [he searches for his name tag then he hyperventilates after he realizes his name tag is missing. Squidward walks up to him]

Squidward: Uh, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, it's terrible! It's the most terrible thing that's ever happened to me. I lost my name tag. Pourquoi!

Squidward: SpongeBob, take it easy! I'm sure you can get a new one.

SpongeBob: But I don't want a new one, Squidward. My name tag is out there somewhere. Lost... Hungry... Who will help it? What if someone's using it? [SpongeBob imagines a quiet bank and a bank robber bursting in wearing a mask over his head and SpongeBob's name tag]

Bank Robber: Alright! Nobody move! This is a bank robbery! Attica! [cuts back to SpongeBob who screams]

SpongeBob: I'm innocent, I tell ya! [faints then awakens and walks over to Squidward] Squidward, what happened?

Squidward: Hmm? Oh, you fainted because you lost your name tag or something.

SpongeBob: Huh? [hyperventilates again]

Squidward: SpongeBob, will you get a hold of yourself? Since when is losing your name tag the end of the world? [Mr. Krabs comes out of his office]

Mr. Krabs: Attention, all employees! Just a quick heads-up, boys. There's going to be a surprise uniform inspection in one hour. Anyone who doesn't pass gets the boot! [SpongeBob and Squidward stare nervously at Mr. Krabs, who pulls out a big, black boot emitting toxic green fumes] This boot, to be exact. It's very stinky, and you'll have to wear it all day. See you in an hour. [Mr. Krabs zips back into his office. SpongeBob starts hyperventilating again]

Squidward: SpongeBob, if you really want to find your name tag, just retrace your steps.

SpongeBob: Retrace my steps? Squidward, you're a genius.

Squidward: [flattered] Huh. Huh. A genius? Well, I don't know about that, but...

SpongeBob: [walks off] Cover me till I get back, okay?

Squidward: Oh, sure, sure. [chuckles] A genius? Well, how about... Hey! [cuts to SpongeBob walking down the road]

SpongeBob: Let's see, if I'm going to retrace my steps, I got to remember everything I did this morning. [walks by Patrick]

Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Oh, hi Patrick. [runs back to Patrick] You said hi to me this morning, right?

Patrick: As I do every morning.

SpongeBob: Well, I need you to do it again.

Patrick: That wasn't part of the deal, SquarePants!

SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you talking about?

Patrick: My hellos aren't just some tape recording that you can rewind and play over and over. They're special!

SpongeBob: Patrick, this is an emergency! I lost my name tag this morning, and I need to retrace my steps!

Patrick: You lost your name tag? [hyperventilates like SpongeBob does. Scene cuts to SpongeBob poking his head out his window and Patrick standing outside his house]

SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, you know the plan, right?

Patrick: I got it, I got it. You're gonna retrace your steps and when you walk by me I say "hi," just like this morning.

SpongeBob: Perfect. Hmm, I guess I should start with when I woke up. [climbs in bed] I sure hope this works. [pretends to go to sleep then jumps up] Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it! [blanket falls on his head which causes him to fall and his alarm clock to fall on him again] So far, so good. [falls down the staircase and lands in his living room. The alarm clock shoots him out] I don't see my name tag up here. [smacks into his window then slides off of it to Gary] Now that my horrific moment of terror is over, how about some breakfast? [grabs a can of Snail-Po and sings] The most important meal of the day, serving it up Gary's way. [pours the food into Gary's bowl, then tastes it] Blech! Okay, next I just have to walk outside and say hi to Patrick. [walks by Patrick, outside, but he doesn't say anything] Patrick!

Patrick: What?

SpongeBob: You were supposed to say hi to me!

Patrick: Hi. [SpongeBob gets shocked]

SpongeBob: Oh. All right, let's take it from the top. [walks off]

Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Don't forget your line this time!

Patrick: I won't.

SpongeBob: Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it. [falls down the staircase, hits the window, and slides to Gary] The most important meal of the day. La-la-la... Gary's way. Blech. [walks by Patrick who, again, says nothing, and SpongeBob growls in anger] Patrick, why didn't you say hi to me?!

Patrick: What's my motivation?

SpongeBob: [angrily] Forget the motivation! Just say hi! Ugh! [runs off. Cuts to SpongeBob doing his routine again; SpongeBob falls off his bed, then falls off his stairs, then is spat out by his alarm, then hits his window. Cuts again to outside]

Patrick: Hi, Patrick! Oh wait, I'm Patrick! I'm sorry. Sorry. [laughs. SpongeBob walks off] I'm sorry. Let's try it again. [Cuts to SpongeBob doing his routine again; SpongeBob falls off his bed, then falls off his stairs, then hits his window, then tastes Gary's food which disgusts him again. Cuts again to outside] Hi, SpongeBoob! Ha! SpongeBoob! I sai... I sai... [laughs] Who's SpongeBoob?! I said SpongeBoob! [SpongeBob walks off] Again, again. [refers to the audience.] Sorry people.

SpongeBob: [Cuts to SpongeBob doing his routine again. The first frame appears, SpongeBob falls off his bed; the second frame appears, SpongeBob falls off his stairs; the third frame appears, SpongeBob is about to feed Gary] The most important meal of the day la-la-la Gary's way. [the fourth and final frame appears, SpongeBob hits his window] Blech!

Patrick: [Cuts to outside, where Patrick is trying not to laugh] I've got the giggles.

SpongeBob: Oh, what's the use? I'll never find my name tag in time for inspection.

Patrick: Well, what did you do after I said hi to you this morning?

SpongeBob: Hmm, let's see. [imagines what he did today in his thought bubble] I skipped merrily to the Krusty Krab, said hello to Old Man Jenkins... [Old Man Jenkins honks his horn]

Thought SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. J.

SpongeBob: ...placed an apple on Mr. Krabs' desk... [thought ends] and that's about it. Oh, and these two guys threw me in the dumpster. [cuts to SpongeBob being thrown into a dumpster by the Krusty Krab. He laughs] Good one, guys! [tries getting up but slips into the garbage again] Whoa!

Patrick: That's it! Your name tag is in the apple on Mr. Krabs' desk!

SpongeBob: Patrick, you're a genius. Oh wait, he's probably thrown it away by now.

Patrick: Well, then we'll look in the dumpster! [cuts to the dumpster outside the Krusty Krab]

SpongeBob: Eh, what is that stench?

Patrick: That is the stench of discovery. Come on, buddy. I'll give you a boost. [gets on all fours] Hop on, pal.

SpongeBob: [jumps in the dumpster] Hey, it's not so bad once you get used to it.

Patrick: I wish I had a nose.

SpongeBob: Come on in, buddy. The garbage is fine.

Patrick: Cannonball! [does a cannonball and jumps to the dumpster. He spits some dirt out and laughs; his teeth are filled with filth]

SpongeBob: You look over there and I'll look over here.

Patrick: Okay. [digs through the trash while throwing some on SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: Patrick?

Patrick: I'm looking. I'm looking.

SpongeBob: Patrick? Patrick!

Patrick: [digs even faster] I'm looking as fast as I can.

SpongeBob: Patrick! [Patrick stops and turns around to see SpongeBob covered in garbage] Thank you. [Patrick pulls trash off of SpongeBob]

Patrick: Here, let me get that. Hey, look! A Stingray 5000 single. Hey, these guys rock. Why would anybody throw this away?

SpongeBob: Have you [throws all the garbage away in anger] forgotten what we're looking for knee-deep in yesterday's Top 40 songs?!

Patrick: Yes.

SpongeBob: I'll give you a hint. Two words. First word: my. Second word: name tag.

Patrick: Could I have another hint?

SpongeBob: [looks at the viewers and blinks twice] Patrick, I would love to sit here and play Twenty Questions with you, but I've only got [looks at his watch] one minute till inspection. [screams and jumps] One minute?! Hurry, Patrick, we don't have much time. [digs quicker]

Patrick: [notices a name tag on the back of SpongeBob's shirt] Hey, SpongeBob...

SpongeBob: Not now, Patrick.

Patrick: I know where your name tag is. [SpongeBob turns around]

SpongeBob: Where?! Where?!

Patrick: Uh... I can't remember.

SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't have time for this! [turns back around]

Patrick: There it is!

SpongeBob: [turns around again] Where?!

Patrick: Uh... [SpongeBob becomes angry] I forgot again.

SpongeBob: Patrick, are you with me or against me?

Patrick: Could you give me a hint? [SpongeBob simply turns back around] There! I see it!

SpongeBob: Yeah, yeah, yeah... the boy who cried name tag. If you're not going to help me, then just go crawl back under your rock!

Patrick: [turns around, angry] Well, at least I don't wear my shirt backwards.

SpongeBob: My shirt backward... [looks at his clothes] What the...? [bends his head back to his back] My shirt's on backwards! [Patrick looks at him] I had my identity all along. [spins his shirt around and looks at his watch] Oh, and just in time. Thanks, Patrick. [shakes hands with Patrick]

Patrick: [shakes hands with SpongeBob] Don't mention it, buddy. [cuts to the Krusty Krab]

Mr. Krabs: Fall in for inspection! All right, you two... [inspects Squidward] Hat and uniform seem to be in order. [notices a few hairs in Squidward's nose] Hmm, promise me you'll shave tonight and you pass.

Squidward: Hoorah.

Mr. Krabs: [moves to SpongeBob, who is stinky because of the dumpster] Okay, boy, your turn.

SpongeBob: [salutes] I think you'll find everything shipshape.

Mr. Krabs: [sniffs SpongeBob and he covers his nose because he smells bad] Ack! Jumpin' jellyfish! What's that stench?

SpongeBob: Uh... discovery?

[Mr. Krabs picks up SpongeBob and sets him outside. Flashback ends and cuts back to the diner as SpongeBob lands in his chair]

SpongeBob: And that's how I got my identity back. Well, that's my story. [Ted yawns while the waitress checks her watch]

Waitress: Well, you managed to kill eleven minutes.

SpongeBob: [laughs] Thanks, uh... [looks at her name tag] Betty.

Waitress: What? [looks down at her name tag] Oh, sweetie, I'm not Betty. I just borrowed her uniform while mine's at the cleaners. [SpongeBob looks at the camera, confused. The episode ends.]