Patrick: [screaming while flying on his sandboard, then bashes his body on sand mountain. The red word "DEAD" flashes, also making a ¨death¨ sound effect]

[Screen zooms out, revealing that Patrick is only playing a video game with his character while sandboarding down Sand Mountain]

Patrick: Aww, I got dead again! This game stinks! [hits a rock and screams again while flying, then bashes his body on sand mountain just like on his video game]

Sandy: See? That's why you must always pay attention to the mountain.

SpongeBob: I'm listening to you, mountain! [starts sandboarding, and he passes by Patrick's legs] Don't eat the yellow sand, Patrick!

Patrick: Oh, yeah, I forgot! [eats yellow sand on a plate]

SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy, watch me do the "Grouchy Squidward!"

Squidward: [sits at a table drinking tea close to the mountain] Stop naming moves after me!

SpongeBob: [imitating Squidward] "Everybody's an idiot except for me."

Squidward: Well, it's true. [takes a sip]

[SpongeBob laughs like Squidward; Sandy and Patrick laugh with him]

Sandy: [stops laughing and gasps] SpongeBob! Look out for that tree!

SpongeBob: [stops laughing like Squidward] Huh? [avoids tree with scuba diving gear on it] Don't worry, guys, everything is under control, 'cause I'm an... [hits a log and he goes off the mountain] Expert...! [suddenly stops in mid-air] Huh, that's funny. Someone turned the mountain upside down. [camera reveals that SpongeBob is upside down and not the mountain and he screams as he falls]

Sandy: SpongeBob! Land on your bottom! It'll cushion the impact of the fall!

SpongeBob: [makes himself right-side up and he takes off his pants] Like this?

Patrick: No, your other bottom!

Sandy: Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?

Patrick: Not until 4.

[SpongeBob crashes into the ground and his bottom breaks into tiny pieces]

Sandy: Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

Patrick: Do it again! I wasn't looking!

[Cuts to the doctor's office]

Doctor: Well, it looks like your gluteus maximus has made a full recovery.

SpongeBob: My what has a what now?

Doctor: Your butt's all better. It's really quite amazing; [he turns on an X-ray] it took twenty hours to put it all back together. [he holds a stapler] We actually ran out of staples and had to use a glue stick. [he holds a glue stick] Yep, you're a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, luck boy. But from now on, I'd like you to be more careful. One more injury like that and you could wind up like that poor creature there [points to where the fish is] [we see Tom and his butt is in a giant machine] in the Iron Butt.

Tom: [in the Iron Butt] Aww, man, it itches.

SpongeBob: [outside hospital] You heard the doctor, SpongeBob. One more injury like that, then it's the Iron Butt. I've been too careless back there. From now on, I am on round-the-clock butt patrol. [sees Harold behind him] Hep, hep, hep! Stay away from the backside! I'm warning you!

Harold: What's your problem? [leaves SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: Whew. That was close.

Football Player: Hey, SpongeBob, why don't you join us? We need an extra player. [another football player catches a football] Nice catch, Percy! [slaps Percy's bottom, SpongeBob cringes as he holds his butt]

Jimmy: Hey, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob screams as he turns around, while holding his butt] You've gotta try this, dude! We finally got enough people for a seven-mile spanking machine! [crawls between people's legs, who each take turns spanking his butt] Ha, ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Martin: Next.

SpongeBob: No! [screams as he runs off. Everybody looks at him]

Squidward: Is this where the line starts?

SpongeBob: My butt is not safe out here! [runs inside his house and closes the door] No part of me is safe! [closes the window curtain]

[Patrick and Sandy return from another trip from Sand Mountain]

Sandy: Yeah. Ride 'em, cowboy! [Patrick starts laughing as they enter SpongeBob's house] Hey, SpongeBob!

Patrick: [is still laughing while riding on Sandy's back; Sandy glares at him and he gets off her back as well as clearing his throat afterwards] That was fun. [he stops smiling]

Sandy: [Patrick smiles again] Hey, SpongeBob, you ready to go sandboarding again? SpongeBob?

[SpongeBob is sitting in a fetal position in the middle of the floor, with a penny, a potato chip, and a wadded-up napkin lying on the floor in front of him]

SpongeBob: [with a little smile on his face] Hello, friends. Enjoying the outside world?

Sandy: Whatcha all doing sitting in the middle of the floor like that?

SpongeBob: Oh, living out the remainder of my life, in safety. If you guys were smart, you would join me. That accident made me realize that it's dangerous out there. I was one of the lucky ones. I'm a survivor. And so I simply decided that I'm never leaving my house again.

Sandy: That's crazy talk!

Patrick: That's not crazy talk. This is crazy talk. [does various forms of gibberish blabbing, but his third blabbing makes his saliva hit Sandy, making her pound him to shush him, bashing his head into his body] Sorry.

SpongeBob: No, Patrick's right, Sandy. You saw what happened and next time it won't just be my butt. It'll be my armpit or my forehead.

Patrick: Or your other armpit!

SpongeBob: I was wrong to go against nature. I'm a sponge. What was I thinking? Walking… My people are sedentary.

Sandy: Just sitting in your house? Ain't you gonna get lonesome?

SpongeBob: I won't be lonesome. I've got all the friends I need right here. This is Penny... [holds up a penny] and Chip... [holds up a potato chip] and say, "hello" to Used Napkin. [holds up a used napkin]

Sandy: Well, how are you gonna keep your job at the Krusty Krab?

SpongeBob: No problem! [he grabs the end of a spatula, which is so long it stretches all the way inside the Krusty Krab] A really long spatula. [flips a patty with the aforementioned really long spatula]

Sandy: What about eatin'?

SpongeBob: I'm a sponge, I'll just filter-feed. [gasps and breathes in an odd way]

Sandy: SpongeBob, sooner or later, you're gonna have to go outside!

SpongeBob: Listen, I've told you, but I'm never leaving my house again.

Patrick: Never ever?

SpongeBob: Never ever ever!

Patrick: Never ever ever ever ever for never ever?!

SpongeBob: Never ever never never ever ever never!

Patrick: Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever?!

SpongeBob: [sighs exasperatedly] Never ever...

SpongeBob and Patrick: Never never never never ever never ever never…

SpongeBob: Alright, Patrick, that is enough! Chip, would you mind showing these two to the door? [throws Chip to the door, opening it, and Patrick and an angry Sandy leave]

Patrick: Thank you, Chip. [closes the door. Outside, Sandy is still glaring at SpongeBob] I guess I'll have to find a new best friend. Hey, Squidward!

Squidward: [pops out of his window] No! [slams his window shut]

Patrick: Aww!

Sandy: Don't worry, Patrick. We'll get SpongeBob to come outside, and then he'll see there's nothing to be afraid of.

Patrick: And that's when I [holds a boxing glove] punch him, right?! [Sandy gives a bummed look. Patrick and Sandy are jellyfishing outside SpongeBob's house]

Sandy: Look at all the jellyfish out here. Too bad SpongeBob is missing out on all the fun.

Patrick: [catches a jellyfish] I caught one! [puts head in net and his jellyfish sticks to his face] Huh?

SpongeBob: [Patrick gets electrocuted in the background, making him scream in pain] Look at those fools. Risking their lives, jellyfishing. My new hobby is much safer, isn't it, Chip? Dust collecting. [puts on a pair of glasses and a tiny net and waves it in the air] I think I caught one!

Sandy: We've got to try something else!

[Patrick and Sandy are holding a cake in front of SpongeBob's house]

Sandy and Patrick: ♪Three cheers on your birthday, SpongeBob! Three cheers for you!♪

Sandy: Now you got to blow out the candles and make a wish.

SpongeBob: I don't need the wish, Penny. Everything I could ever want is right here. In fact, let's sing our own song about the joy of staying indoors. ♪I know of a place where you never get harmed. A magical place with magical charms. Indoors! Indoors! Indoors!♪ Take it away, Penny! [cut to the penny lying silently on the floor]

Patrick: [sniffles] That penny has the most beautiful voice.

Sandy: [goes inside the window to angrily point at a smiling SpongeBob] That is it, SquarePants! We're gonna find you something that's so dang fun that you'll have to come outside. [goes outside for the touristy day]

Sandy: [jumps on a trampoline] Trampoline!

Patrick: [holds an ice cream cone] Ice cream!

Sandy: [surfs on an underwater wave] Underwater surfing!

Patrick: [holds two ice cream cones] Two ice creams!

Sandy: [rides on a Ferris wheel] Ferris wheel!

Patrick: [the two ice creams are now melting] Still two ice creams!

Sandy: [struggling with a giant clam] Clam wrestling!

Patrick: [washes an old man in a tub] Washing an old person!

Sandy: Patrick, that's not fun.

Old man: It is for me!

[SpongeBob is still filter-feeding, and Sandy and Patrick watch him through his window]

Sandy: Nothing's working, Patrick!

Patrick: What do we do?

Old man: [appearing from below] I say we take a bath!

Sandy: Wha... will you get out of here?

[Patrick and Sandy are hiding behind a coral bush and Patrick is in a gorilla suit]

Sandy: Now remember. Don't jump out until I give the signal.

Patrick: Right. [he zips up his mask]

Sandy: [opens the door] All right, SpongeBob. You win. Stay inside forever. Yours is truly the iron will. Now, Pat! [Patrick comes out in the gorilla suit and acts all wild like a gorilla] Eek! A gorilla! Save me, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Okay, guys, really, this is your saddest attempt yet. Even Chip knows that's Patrick in the same costume that he wore for Halloween last year.

Sandy: [Patrick continues dancing] No, really! You've got to come and save me! [Suddenly, a second Patrick shows up out of nowhere with an ice cream]

Patrick #2: Hey, Sandy. [SpongeBob gives a startled look] Who's your friend?

Sandy: [Confused] But--but you're supposed to be in the gorilla suit.

Patrick #1: I am in the gorilla suit. [unzips the gorilla suit] I thought I was doing a pretty good job.

Sandy: If you're Patrick, then who's that? [The two look at second Patrick who unzips his head, which reveals a live-action gorilla underneath which scares them] [gasps] A real gorilla!

SpongeBob: [Shocked] Huh? [The gorilla rips out of the Patrick suit it is wearing. Sandy and Patrick are screaming. The gorilla grabs the scared Patrick and Sandy, puts them in a bag, and repeatedly beats them] Oh, my gosh! [Sandy and Patrick are still screaming while the gorilla beats them] This can't be happening! [The gorilla hits Patrick and Sandy using a chair, then beating them some more] This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about! [the gorilla can be seen still beating up the sack outside the window; it also does things like dribbling the sack and bouncing on it like it's a ball] Well, they were asking for it. It's not like I didn't warn them about the dangers of outside. Yes, Chip, I know they're my two dearest friends in the world, but I told them, I wasn't going outside no matter what. We can do without the name calling, thank you very much, Used Napkin! I know, Chip. If I was out there, bagged by an ape, Patrick and Sandy would risk anything to save me. And I've got to do the same for them. If I don't come back alive, Chip, take good care of Gary.

Gary: [eats Chip] Meow.

SpongeBob: [looks behind] Well, here I go. From the safety of my home, to the outside world. [gulps and shakes as he reaches for the door. The door shakes as well until SpongeBob opens it] I'm taking my [walks slowly] first step. [continues walking] So far, so good. I think I can do this! [the wind blows a piece of paper onto his face; SpongeBob screams] Oh, dear Neptune, get off of me, get off of me! Chip! Help me, help me! [Squidward, who is watering his plants, rolls his eyes. SpongeBob then removes the paper off his face] I'm still alive! I did it! I made it outside! Nothing can stop me now! [the gorilla grabs SpongeBob] Is it too late to go back inside again? [the gorilla rips SpongeBob in half]

1st half of SpongeBob: It's too late. [the gorilla screeches] Patrick? Sandy?

Patrick and Sandy: [still in the bag] Yes, SpongeBob?

1st half of SpongeBob: I'm sorry I caused all this. I'm not scared of going outside anymore. [eye shrinks] But I'm terrified of gorillas now.

Sandy: [shaken] Ah, that's okay, SpongeBob. Us too.

First half of SpongeBob: You know what I don't understand though? [move over to the second half of SpongeBob]

Second half of SpongeBob: What?

First half of SpongeBob: What's a gorilla doing underwater in the first place? [the gorilla's eyes widen once he realizes this]

Gorilla: [man's voice] Oh! Well, it's funny you should, I mean, you see, George, they're on to us! [A zebra rushes onto the screen]

George: Let's get outta here! [the gorilla gets on George and rides away with him. Patrick, Sandy, and the two halves of SpongeBob are watching the gorilla ride on George into the sunset. Text reads: The End. The screen zooms out to reveal a live-action family watching the episode on TV in confusion. The father turns to the mother and gives her a confused look. He shakes his head, and eventually turns off the TV.]