[SpongeBob is sitting inside of his mailbox, happily humming. He checks his watch. The Mailfish arrives, opens the mailbox, and SpongeBob suddenly pops out.]

SpongeBob: Hi, mailman!

[Mailfish drops his mail, screams in terror, and runs away.]

SpongeBob: Okay, [gets out of the mailbox] see you tomorrow!

Patrick: [walks up] Hey, the mail's here! What did you get?

SpongeBob: Let's see... [looks through the mail] Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, hey! A magazine! [looks at the magazine] That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.

SpongeBob and Patrick: [look inside the magazine] Whoa!

SpongeBob: Look at these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living! [a picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown. It has an inflatable pool floating in the water.] This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!

[A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money.]

Patrick: [points at the man's feet] This guy's got shoes!

Squidward: Give me that! [takes the magazine out of SpongeBob's hands] Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!

SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?

Squidward: They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.

SpongeBob: What kind of things?

Squidward: How should I know? Things people want to buy! [walks off] Now keep your paws off my mail.

SpongeBob: That's it, Patrick! We gotta become entrepreneurs!

Patrick: Is that gonna hurt?

SpongeBob: Quick, Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?

Patrick: Uh... [sweats] More time for thinking.

SpongeBob: No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.

Patrick: [pops up behind him] A chocolate bar?

SpongeBob: That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!

[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick exiting the Barg'N-Mart carrying many chocolate bars.]

SpongeBob: Fancy living, here we come!

Patrick: Make way for a couple of entrepe-nooers!

[SpongeBob and Patrick walk up to a house.]

SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.

[SpongeBob runs up and knocks on the door. Tom opens the door.]

SpongeBob: Good afternoon, sir, could we interest you in some [holds up a chocolate bar] chocolate?

Tom: Chocolate? Did you say, chocolate?

Patrick: Yes, sir. [holds up two chocolate bars] With or without nuts?

Tom: Chocolate?! [screaming] Chocolate?! Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!

[SpongeBob and Patrick slowly back away, and then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming "Chocolate!". The scene cuts to SpongeBob ringing the doorbell of another house.]

SpongeBob: Okay, the first guy didn't count. This is our real first step! [Incidental 118C opens the door] Good morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?

Incidental 118C: Chocolate bars, eh?

SpongeBob: Yes, sir, we are chocolate bar salesmen!

Incidental 118C: Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise! [Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants, and he quickly looks at them] No, no, no, no, wrong. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?

SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, most certainly, sir!

Incidental 118C: Well, [chuckles] no self-respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! [holds up a bright-orange bag]

SpongeBob: Wow... what is it?

Incidental 118C: It's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!

[SpongeBob tries to touch it.]

Incidental 118C: [pulls the bag away] But, I'm wasting my time. [walks inside] You don't need these bags.

SpongeBob and Patrick: We need 'em! We need 'em!

[Incidental 118C grins. The scene changes to Incidental 118C counting money. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags.]

Incidental 118C: So long, boys! Happy hunting! [laughs when the two aren't looking] Suckers... [walks back inside and closes the door]

SpongeBob and Patrick: [singing as they run off] Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!

SpongeBob: Let's try next door! [walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot. Incidental 118C comes out]

Incidental 118C: Yes?

SpongeBob: [suspicious] Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?

Incidental 118C: I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. [holds up two large maroon bags]

Patrick: We'll take 20!

[The scene changes to SpongeBob knocking on the door of a different house. Incidental 49 comes out.]

Incidental 49: Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?

SpongeBob: We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?

Incidental 49: That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.

SpongeBob: One chocolate bar, coming up! [opens up a bag, only to find another bag] Huh? Eh... Huh? Huh? Uh, uh, uh... [attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants]

SpongeBob: I know they're in here somewhere!

Incidental 49: [looks at her watch] I don't have time for this. [goes back inside, and then suddenly SpongeBob pulls out a chocolate bar]

SpongeBob: I've got it! One chocolate bar for the nice— [sees something off camera; it is revealed to be Tom, still screaming]

Tom: Chocolate!

SpongeBob: —lady.

Tom: Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! [He chases SpongeBob and Patrick.]

[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in a diner.]

SpongeBob: We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.

Patrick: Huh... I got it! Let's get naked!

SpongeBob: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate. There must be something. What was the reason we bought those bags?

Patrick: He said we were mediocre...

SpongeBob: That's it! He made us feel special!

Patrick: Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags! [runs to the door]

SpongeBob: No, wait, Patrick! [Patrick freezes in place] Why don't we try being nice?

Patrick: Oh, okay.

[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door.]

SpongeBob: Remember, Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.

[Patrick knocks on the door. Incidental 60 opens the door.]

Incidental 60: Hello?

Patrick: I love you.

[A harp is heard playing. Incidental 60 stares at SpongeBob and Patrick for a few seconds, then he slams his door shut in disgust; a tuba is heard playing after the slamming.]

SpongeBob: I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try. [rings the doorbell. Incidental 60 opens the door]

Incidental 60: Please. G-Go away!

SpongeBob: Um, [clears his throat] H-H-How you doin'?

Incidental 60: How am I doing?

SpongeBob: Wanna buy some chocolate?

Patrick: We got him now!

Incidental 60: Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?

[Patrick's belly is bubbling.]

Patrick: Hee hee, it tickles!

Incidental 60: As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang. [holds up a picture of him being obese at age 13] You can keep that for five bucks.

Patrick: I'll take ten!

[Cut to SpongeBob with a sad look on his face walking. A sad song plays.]

SpongeBob: We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that we're too easily distracted.

[Cut to Patrick staring at the pictures.]

Patrick: Huh?

[Far cut.]

SpongeBob: [raises his fist] Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.

Patrick: [removes the pictures from his face] What?

SpongeBob: [holds out his hand] Let's shake on it.

Patrick: [looks at SpongeBob confused] Did you say something?

[Cut to the other customer's house. SpongeBob and Patrick are seen entering the view.]

SpongeBob: Remember, Patrick, focus.

[Cut to the door. SpongeBob knocks on it. Incidental 37B answers.]

Incidental 37B: Yes?

SpongeBob: Good afternoon, sir, we're selling chocolate bars.

[Patrick somehow moves up to Incidental 37B with his eyes going in and out back and forth.]

Incidental 37B: Why is Chubby here staring at me?

[Cut to Patrick's eyes.]

Patrick: Focusing.

[Cut to the inside of Incidental 37B's house.]

Incidental 37B: [freaks out] Back up, Jack! [slams the door on Patrick's eyes]

Patrick: Oof! [moves his eyes around] Nice place you got in here.

[Bubble transition to the next scene. Patrick is eating a chocolate bar.]

SpongeBob: I can't understand what we're doing wrong.

Patrick: I can't understand anything.

SpongeBob: There must be something to this selling game that we're just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!

[Cut to the sign.]

Patrick: [reading the sign] Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious.

SpongeBob: They are most certainly not delicious!

Patrick: [smiling] Not the way I use 'em!

SpongeBob: Yet they sell millions of bags a day!

Patrick: Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.

SpongeBob: [happily] That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth!

Tom: Chocolate!

[SpongeBob and Patrick run off. Cut to another house.]

SpongeBob: We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up, and then you come in for the kill!

Patrick: The kill!

[SpongeBob uses the doorbell. Mary answers.]

Mary: Yes?

[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]

SpongeBob: Hello, young lady. [winks at Patrick, who chuckles] We're selling chocolate. [gets a closer look at Mom] Is your mother home?

[Cut to Mary.]

Mary: Mom!

Mom: [enters from the right side of the house in a wheelchair. She is seen shriveled up to the point where she appears to be merely a head and a spine] What, what, what's all the yelling?

[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick who have stunned looks on their faces. Cut back to mom.]

Mom: You just can't wait for me to die, can you?

[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]

Mary: They're selling chocolate.

Mom: Chocolate?

Mary: Yeah!

[Cut to Mary and her mom.]

Mom: What, what are they selling?

Mary: Chocolates!

Mom: What?

Mary: Chocolates!

Mom: I can't hear you!

Mary: They're selling chocolates!

Mom: They're selling chocolate?

Mary: Yeah!

[Cut to a close-up of mom smiling.]

Mom: Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.

[Cut back to view Mary and her mom.]

Mom: I always hated it!

[Cut to SpongeBob sweating.]

SpongeBob: Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...

Patrick: [comes from the top left] You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.

[Cut to Mary and her mom, Mary is heard constantly saying "No!"]

Mom: Live forever, ya say? I'll take one. [Mary slaps her face]

[Cut to the outside. Mary pays SpongeBob a dollar.]

Mom: [from inside the house] Come on, you lazy Mary! [cut to Mary] Start rubbing me with that chocolate!

Mary: [looks at SpongeBob and Patrick angrily] I hate you. [slams the door. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]

SpongeBob: If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!

Patrick: [raises his fist] Hooray for lying!

[Bubbles transition to SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh.]

SpongeBob: It'll make your hair grow.

[Cut to Fred.]

Fred: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!

[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick has a sad face this time.]

SpongeBob: They'll make you sound smart.

[Cut to the customer holding money.]

Customer: [southern accent] I'll take 20!

[Cut to Patrick.]

Patrick: It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.

[Cut to the two Patricks.]

Patrick 2: Just in time.

[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick over and over.]

SpongeBob: They'll make you fly!

Patrick: You'll fall in love!

SpongeBob: They'll bring world peace!

Patrick: You'll walk through walls!

SpongeBob: [echoing] You'll rule the world!

[Cut to a door, SpongeBob and Patrick are wrapped in casts. Cut close to Patrick.]

Patrick: This'll be the best lie yet!

[Cut to SpongeBob.]

SpongeBob: Yeah, this guy will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!

[A "customer" opens the door slightly.]

Incidental 118C: What can I do for you boys?

[Cut to SpongeBob.]

SpongeBob: Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.

Incidental 118C: Really?

[Cut to the "customer", who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body. He limps out of the door at his doorstep.]

Incidental 118C: Small world. What's the matter with you guys?

[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are completely stunned.]

SpongeBob: [nervously] Uh... We've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.

[Cut to the "customer".]

Incidental 118C: Ah, some guys have all the luck.

[A violin begins playing.]

Incidental 118C: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.

[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. They both have faces meaning that they were about to cry.]

Incidental 118C: At night, [as SpongeBob looks up sadly, a tear runs down his face] I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.

[Cut to the "customer", the wires snap.]

Incidental 118C: [about to fall] Oh, no!

[A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps.]

Incidental 118C: [on the last step] Ow.

[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick.]

SpongeBob: Quick, Patrick, let's help him!

[Cut to the inside of the house. SpongeBob and Patrick enter from the left, carrying the "customer".]

SpongeBob: Careful, put him down gently.

[Patrick drops the "customer"'s head. A glass breaking sound is heard. Cut close to the "customer".]

Incidental 118C: [in pain] Ow...

[Cut to SpongeBob.]

SpongeBob: Poor, poor man. If there's anything, anything we can do to help you?

[Cut to the "customer".]

Incidental 118C: There is one thing... as you can well imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling... chocolate bars. [gestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes.]

[Bubble transition to the next scene. Cut to the "customer" looking out his window as SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]

Incidental 118C: Such nice boys, [Cut to a close-up of the "customer" laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his costume off to reveal himself as Incidental 118C from earlier who sold SpongeBob and Patrick the bags to hold the chocolate bars.] it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A sucker-roonies like those two! Ha ha ha!

Cut to the street.]

SpongeBob: [grunting] Don't get me wrong, Patrick. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to. [He trips up on a rock and falls.] Whoa! [makes another grunting noise. Cut to him with a box flat on his face] Let's face it, Patrick. We're failures.

Patrick: [walks in from the left, carrying a box] I can live with that. [places his box on SpongeBob's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound]

SpongeBob: Let's change our names to Why and Bother.

[Tom appears behind the box.]

Tom: Chocolate! [his screaming knocks SpongeBob, Patrick and the boxes over.]

[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick babble]

SpongeBob: [simultaneously with Patrick] No, no! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Please...

Patrick: [simultaneously with SpongeBob] No! Have mercy on me! Please spare me!

[Cuts to Tom laughing manically.]

Tom: Finally! I've been tryna catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you... [turns back to normal] I'd like to buy all your chocolate. [holds up a large amount of cash]

[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss. Cut back to Tom, SpongeBob, and Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick are melting.]

SpongeBob: Thank you for your patronage.

[Bubble transition to the next scene. Patrick is pushing a wheelbarrow full of cash.]

Patrick: Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?

[Cut to the money in the barrel. SpongeBob pops out.]

SpongeBob: Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money.

[Cut to the two.]

Patrick: But what are we gonna spend it on?

SpongeBob: [thinking] Hmm...

[Bubble transition to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen at night. Cut to the inside of the boat.]

Squidward: [walking in from the left] Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.

Teen 5: Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented to a private party.

[Cut to Squidward shocked.]

Squidward: But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restaurant?

Teen 5: Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs [leans over to Squidward] and their dates.

[Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, Mary, and mom; Mary is seen holding a glass.]

SpongeBob: So, how long have you two ladies known each other?

[Pause]

Mom: What? What did he say?

[The screen fades to black, ending the episode.]