[The episode begins at the Adult Learning Center.]

Squidward: Ah, how I have dreamed of this day. Mr. Tentacles, Professor of Art. What a marvelous opportunity for the people of Bikini Bottom. Bring me your huddle masses of bored house wives and I will shape them into my image! [wife's head turns into Squidward's and the husband notices] I'll go down in history. Someday, there will be a wing with my name on it in all the museums of the world!

Janitor: Dude, you're teaching art at the Rec Center. Calm down.

Squidward: Uncultured trash urchin. 9 AM. Time to let the class in. Well, don't want to keep them waiting any longer. [opens door] Welcome to art class!

Nat: Oh, isn't this cooking? Sorry... [everyone outside leaves except SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward! Are you taking this art class, too?

Squidward: SpongeBob?! In art class? Wait! This is cooking! Come back! You gotta be kidding.

SpongeBob: [laughs] This is great! You and me in school together. So, where's the teacher?

Squidward: You're looking at him.

SpongeBob: You...are the teacher? To my pupil?! This isn't art class, it's Heaven.

Squidward: Yeah. Grab a little piece of Heaven and let's get with it.

SpongeBob: I'm ready, Mr. Tentacles.

Squidward: So, you wanna be an artist, eh, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Yes, please.

Squidward: Well, art is not all fun and games. [as he picks up a big stack of books] It's a lot of hard... [he drops the stack, which makes SpongeBob's desk hop in the air] ...work. OK. First, repeat after me: "I have no talent."

SpongeBob: I have no talent.

Squidward: "Mr. Tentacles has all the talent."

SpongeBob: Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.

Squidward: "If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacle's talent may rub off on me."

SpongeBob: If I'm lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art. [smiles. The scene cuts to Squidward with a sad look on his face, the camera cuts back to SpongeBob and he is still smiling, the camera again cuts back to Squidward]

Squidward: ...Whatever. Ok. Since you're telling me you have no prior training, we'll have to start from square one. Or should I say circle one. [draws a crooked circle, then laughs] Am I going too fast for you SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: How's this, Squidward?

Squidward: What the? How the? A perfect circle? Do it again. Show your process.

SpongeBob: Well, first, I draw this head, [draws a realistic head] then, I erase some of the more detailed features, [erases the drawing into a rough sketch of a realistic head, then erases once more into a perfect circle] and one, two, three... a circle, uhh, thingy.

Squidward: Gimme that. [crumples paper] Forget the circles.

SpongeBob: Ooh, nice one Squidward. Let me try. [laughs] Looky, Squidward. It's you and me playing leapfrog. That's you on the bottom.

Squidward: Gimme that. [rips up paper] There is nothing artistic about leapfrog!

[SpongeBob puts the ripped pieces of paper together]

Squidward: What are you doing now?

SpongeBob: I call it: Rippy Bits. You take a bunch of old ripped up paper, and make a new picture out of it. See? You're on top...this...time. [blows paper]

Squidward: Do you want to learn art, or not?

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Squidward, I'll listen.

Squidward: Alright, SpongeBob, pay close attention. Look at your marble. Visualize the sculpture within. And gently... [hits marble with chisel; it breaks into a pile of rubble]

SpongeBob: [hits marble with chisel and it becomes a perfect sculpture of Michelangelo's David] How's this Squidward?

Squidward: [starry-eyed] It's beautiful! [a tear falls from his eyes; snaps out of it] I mean... this isn't a sculpture. [SpongeBob's lip starts quivering] A good sculpture takes... more time. You can't just sculpt Willie-Nillie. You've got to go by the book. Follow the rules. [SpongeBob wipes away a tear] Otherwise, you'll never get passed Amateur Hour, here. Besides, you've got the nose wrong. [Squidward puts a nose like his on the sculpture] There, now it's art.

SpongeBob: [breaking down] Ohhh, it's so obvious. I would've never thought of that. I'm sorry, Squidward. I came here to learn and I arrogantly shunned your lessons. [falls down and starts crying] I'll never be a great artist like you! I don't deserve your tutoring. I don't deserve to be in your presence. [crawls over to the front door and looks back at Squidward] I don't even deserve to use your doors! [the doors open, hitting SpongeBob out the window into the garbage dumpster head-first]

Monty P. Moneybags: Hello, there.

SpongeBob: But I did deserve that. [the dumpster closes on top of him] I deserved that, too. [garbage man takes SpongeBob to dump] And I deserve this!

Monty: Good day, sir.

Squidward: Sorry, class dismissed. You're too late.

Monty: Oh, I beg your pardon, but I've forgotten my manners. My name is Monty P. Moneybags.

Squidward: The world famous art collector?

Monty: The one and only.

Squidward: Well, what are you doing here?

Monty: I'm on a shopping spree. Buying art for my new museum.

Squidward: Your search is over. I am Bikini Bottom's greatest artiste. I call this one: "Squidward en repose."

Monty: I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection.

Squidward: Why not?

Monty: Because. It's an art collection! [laughs]

Squidward: How about this one? I call it: Bold and Brash.

Monty: More like: Belongs in the Trash. [laughs]

Janitor: Sorry. I must've missed that one. [grabs the painting and throws it in the trash, and whistles as he walks off]

Monty: Maybe I should be... huh? What is that?

Squidward: Wait, wait. That's not uh, uh...

Monty: Angelic form! Amazing detail! Perfect censorship! This is the work of a true genius! Hello? What this? This is the only flaw. [removes the nose Squidward added on and it lands on Squidward's head] Ahh, that's more like it. I simply must find the artist responsible! He shall have fame!

Squidward: Fame! [Squidward imagines himself as popular]

Monty: Fortune.

Squidward: Fortune! [Squidward imagines himself in a tub full of money]

Monty: Anything his heart desires.

Squidward: Anything?! [Squidward imagines himself with hair, then he runs off to Monty in excitement] It's me. It's me. I'm responsible.

Monty: I can see it now. Your name in the world's most prestigious museums. I'm gonna make you, immortal! Now, uh, help me get this in the car.

Squidward: I could use a little help. [sculpture's head hits the top of the doorway and breaks off, then the head makes a watery tear. The head now turns into rubble] My fame! My fortune! My hair!

Monty: Well, that's a bit a bad luck right there. But, this shouldn't be a problem for an artist of your magnitude. You can whip up another one.

Squidward: Yeah, no problem. You know, between you and me, this isn't my best work. Why don't you come back tomorrow and I'll have something that will really knock your socks off.

Monty: Between you and me, I'm not wearing socks. [laughs]

Squidward: Yeah, no socks. OK, see you tomorrow. Bye. [closes the door as Monty walks out] I gotta find SpongeBob! [at the Bikini Bottom Dump] SpongeBob... SpongeBob? SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: [muffles inside the Kelpo cereal box flat on his back] Go away, Squidward. I don't deserve your kindness.

Squidward: Hey, cheer up. I have decided to give you another chance. Why, with a great teacher like me, anything is possible.

SpongeBob: Don't look at me Squidward. Don't look at my shame. [he turns left and slides out of the cereal box] These hands weren't meant to create. They only destroy. I can't look at them! [SpongeBob's hands pop off and run into a soup can]

Squidward: Aww, c'mon SpongeBob. You've got yourself a pair of yellow dandies here. With my help, we'll turn them into tools of beauty.

SpongeBob: Really?

Squidward: Really!

SpongeBob: Really?

Squidward: Really!

SpongeBob: Really?

Squidward: Really.

SpongeBob: Wow.... [pause] Really?

Squidward: Let's go.

SpongeBob: [notices a painting in the dump] Squidward, look. It's ol' Bold and Brash!

Squidward: Gimme that. [back at classroom, pushes a marble in place] Ok, SpongeBob. Just do what you did before.

SpongeBob: [attempts to chisel the marble but hesitates] I... can't!

Squidward: Ah, ah. Wait, wait. Let me help. Let's start with the circle again.

SpongeBob: I did it, Squidward. [draws a crooked circle]

Squidward: Huh? But, but, what about the head...and the erasing, and the, the...

SpongeBob: I don't know, Squidward. That stuff's not in the book.

Squidward: Uhh... [crumples paper] How about this, huh? Remember?

SpongeBob: That's not in the book, either.

Squidward: Forget about the book! [rips book] Ha! There! Look at all this mess SpongeBob. [he grabs a chair, puts it in front of SpongeBob's desk, and jumps up and down while holding it] What do all these little bits of paper make you want to do?

SpongeBob: Wait, I know this. Oh, wait, I think I got it. [puts book back together] Yes! Ta-da! [Squidward's nose melts off his face]

Squidward: OK, SpongeBob. Let's just move onto the marble.

SpongeBob: First, an artist must concentrate and visualize his concept.

Squidward: Now you've got it.

SpongeBob: I've gotta embrace the marble!

Squidward: Right.

SpongeBob: I've gotta sniff the marble! [sniffs the marble]

Squidward: Well, uh, ok.

SpongeBob: I've gotta lick the marble!

Squidward: Uhh...

SpongeBob: [washes the marble in a washing machine] I've gotta wash the marble! [sits with the marble and a dining table] I've gotta date the marble! [expands himself so that he's the same size as the marble] I've gotta be the marble! I've got it! [returns to normal size] I have seen the sculpture within.

Squidward: Here you go, buddy. [hands him sculpting tools]

SpongeBob: With this tool, I shall give birth to art.

Squidward: Oh, boy.

[SpongeBob taps marble with the chisel; it shatters into a pile of rubble; Squidward is still smiling]

SpongeBob: But, one more thing. [puts a stone nose shaped like Squidward's nose on it] There. Now it's art. Well, what do you think, Squidward? Just take it all in for a moment. Let it soak in.

[Squidward tries to keep in his insanity with a smile while he jitters, but then he screams with frustration and goes insane. He kicks two marbles, eats a part of a marble, takes four paint tubes and squeezes them, kicks a picture, takes a marble and repeatedly smashes it into the floor, and starts smashing the other marbles the same way. While Squidward is destroying things, two Squidwards in the American Gothic painting form look at each other as they watch Squidward go ballistic. A marble butt flies over SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: It looks like the excitement of my artistic triumph is too much for Squidward. Oh, well, back to the dump. [runs through the wall and down the road singing in the tune of the William Tell Overture] ♪To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump dump. To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump dump. ♪

[Squidward continues to break more art, then puffs in rage. Monty opens the entrance.]

Monty: I'm here for the... what the? Who is responsible for this?

Squidward: As of now, it's his responsibility! [puts hat on janitor's head] Good day to you, sir! [angrily walks out of the building]

[As Monty and the janitor walk into the building, it is revealed that when Squidward smashed all of the marble together, he created an even better sculpture than the first one and left without even seeing it]

Monty: [to janitor] You, sir, are the greatest artist who ever lived!