[The episode begins at the Krusty Krab, shown by the exterior.]

TV Announcer: And now, back to Crustacean Crime Theater.

[The scene changes to show a black and white TV. On it, there is a sleeping crab. Another crab comes in and laughs evilly. He grabs the other crab's shell, and the sleeping crab wakes up. The crab, possibly the Sneaky Hermit, runs away with the shell, laughing evilly.]

Shellnapping Victim: Stop! Thief!

[Two police officers show up.]

Cop #1: Which way did he go?

Shellnapping Victim: [pointing to the direction the thief ran] He went that way!

Cop #2: Let's get 'em, boys!

[four police officers run after the Sneaky Hermit, off-screen. They run back into frame with the Sneaky Hermit tied up. The scene cuts to the Sneaky Hermit wearing prison stripes.]

Sneaky Hermit: [As bars come down and the scene pans out to show the TV inside of the Krusty Krab, at a table.] Curses! [The camera zooms away from the television.] Foiled again!

[The scene shows Mr. Krabs at a table watching a small TV. Patrick and SpongeBob are behind him.]

Mr. Krabs: What a no-good eel-in-the-kelp that guy was! [Stands on barrel.] There ain't nothing worse than a thief! Thieves need to be locked up forever! They should all be strung up by their gills and forced to breathe air!

SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, what about all the stuff you stole?

Mr. Krabs: What do you mean?

SpongeBob: [points to the barrel Mr. Krabs is standing on] Like that barrel. [The scene then shows a close up of the barrel.] It says, "Property of Salty Sea Farms."

[Mr. Krabs jumps off the barrel.]

Mr. Krabs: Oh, that's where I rent me pickles from.

SpongeBob: Are you renting the barrel, too?

Mr. Krabs: Well, no.

SpongeBob: Then you bought it?

Mr. Krabs: No.

SpongeBob: Then, isn't that stealing?

Mr. Krabs: Well, I, uh...

Patrick: [while holding up a towel] What about this towel from the Sizzling Spring Sauna?

Mr. Krabs: Um... Well..

SpongeBob: [while waving a phone back and forth] And this Bikini Bell phone?

Mr. Krabs: Well, uh, it's

Patrick: [while holding up hedge clippers] And Sandy's hedge clippers?

[Mr. Krabs is now starting to sweat.]

Mr. Krabs: Oh, they're...

SpongeBob: ...And Plankton's lawn mower? [Extreme close-up of SpongeBob's hand. It has a small lawnmower in it.]

Mr. Krabs: Well, he...

SpongeBob: [while holding up hair curlers] Even Mrs. Puff's hair curlers?

Mr. Krabs: [while grabbing the hair curlers] That one was a gift! [He stops sweating.] Listen, all that stuff is, uh... borrowed.

SpongeBob: Borrowed? Well, that's a relief. I thought you took it without [while shaking his head] permission.

Mr. Krabs: [while waving his claw down] Ah, permission shmermission! You can borrow anything you want, anytime, as long as if you give it back [puts arms to side] before it's missed. [while shrugging] Everyone knows that! Right?

SpongeBob and Patrick: [raise fists in air] Okay!

Mr. Krabs: All right then! [While hugging them] Hugs? [Mr. Krabs walks behind SpongeBob and Patrick.] You put in [while pushing the two out of the frame.] a hard day's work, boys!

[The scene changes to show a wide shot of the exterior of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out the door.]

Patrick: But I don't work here!

[SpongeBob and Patrick run out of frame.]

Mr. Krabs: See you later! [pulls out hair curlers] Oh, that was a close one.

[Bubble transition to later at the park.]

SpongeBob: What do you want to do today?

[The scene shows a medium tracking shot of Patrick and SpongeBob. SpongeBob is hunched over and is dragging his arms. Patrick is moving the top of his torso and head in the z-direction.]

Patrick: I don't know. What do you want to do today?

SpongeBob: I don't know. What do you want to do today?

Patrick: I don't know. What do you want to do today?

SpongeBob: I don't know. What do you want to do today?

[The two stop moving. Patrick gasps and the scene pans out to show Lou with a balloon stand. The scene shows a close-up of Patrick's head.]

Patrick: I know what I want to do today! [The scene shows a close-up of the balloons. They sparkle.] I need some money. [Patrick looks in left pocket] Uh. [He looks in his right pocket.] Oh. [He looks in his belly button. The scene shows an extreme close up of his belly button. It shows that there is some lint, a paper clip, and a ticket.] Oh... [The scene shows a two-shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.] [While shaking his head] I don't have any money. [The scene changes to a medium close-up shot of SpongeBob. Patrick leans in.] SpongeBob, I want a balloon really, really badly! [The scene shows a close-up of SpongeBob and Patrick.] Really, really badly!

[The scene shows a wide shot of SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick backs up.]

SpongeBob: It's okay, Patrick. [Points behind himself] There's lots of money in the First National Bank of SpongeBob. [He turns and makes a rainbow appear] Follow meeeee! [The two ride the rainbow until they land on the ground next to a cauldron that the rainbow was leading into. SpongeBob picks up the cauldron. The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob. He tries to dump the contents of the cauldron out, but there is nothing in it. He looks in it and a close-up shows that the cauldron is empty.] Uh-oh. I'm broke, too. [The scene changes to show a wide shot of SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob throws the cauldron behind him.] Maybe we could borrow money from Squidward?

[SpongeBob turns around.]

Patrick: No, wait! [The scene shows a close-up shot of Patrick's face.] Instead of borrowing the money, why don't we just borrow the balloon?!

[The scene shows a medium close-up shot of SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: Yeah, like Mr. Krabs!

[The scene shows a two-shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]

Patrick: It's just borrowing, right?

SpongeBob: Yeah, and borrowing is okay as long as we bring it back, right?

Patrick: Right!

[The scene changes to show a wide shot of Lou giving a balloon to Monroe Timmy a balloon. SpongeBob takes a red balloon, while he whistles. He runs off. SpongeBob and Patrick run with the balloon, while laughing.]

Patrick: This is so great!

[The two stop in downtown Bikini Bottom.]

SpongeBob: We're going to have so much fun! First we can run with the balloon!

[The scene shows a two-shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]

Patrick: Yeah, then we can go to the beach with the balloon!

[The scene shows a close-up of SpongeBob.]

SpongeBob: Yeah! then we can take a bike ride with the balloon. Then we can go to the movies and the arcade and the ice rink and the pizza shop!

[The scene shows a close-up of Patrick.]

Patrick: And the moon and the sky and under a car, behind the dumpster!

[The scene returns to the two-shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]

SpongeBob: And the candy shop!

Patrick: And then my backyard!

SpongeBob: And in a plane!

Patrick: And over a rock!

SpongeBob: And under a hill!

Patrick: And with a whale!

SpongeBob and Patrick: We love borrowing!

[The balloon pops. Both look flabbergasted and sullen.]

SpongeBob: It popped.

[Both take another look, quietly. The scene shows a close-up, high angle shot of the popped balloon. The scene returns to the two-shot of SpongeBob and Patrick. They start screaming hysterically. The scene shows a close-up of Patrick.]

Patrick: How are we going to return it now, SpongeBob?

[The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob on the ground.]

SpongeBob: [While picking up the balloon pieces] I got the pieces!

[The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick.]

Patrick: [put his hands in the "air"] I found the air!

[The scene shows a two-shot of Patrick and SpongeBob.]

SpongeBob: Hurry, put the pieces on! [SpongeBob puts the pieces in a balloon shape in the "air." It falls to the ground.] We popped the balloon!

Patrick: Ga-heh!

SpongeBob: We can't return it!

Patrick: Wha-guh!

SpongeBob: We're thieves!

Patrick: Hi-yo-hoo!

SpongeBob: We have to confess.

[SpongeBob grabs some of Patrick's fat]

Patrick: Confess?! Are you outta your mind?! Do you have any idea what they do to people like us? We're not talking about some dumb mail fraud scheme or hijacking here. [The scene shows a wide shot of the scene.] [As Jimmy Gus, Nancy, an anchovy holding a briefcase, and Dave walk up and stop, Bill, Nat, Tina Fran, and Fred look out their window, and a fish's head pops up from the sewers] We stole a balloon! [The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.] [As Jimmy Gus Walks by] And they're going to lock us up forever.

[SpongeBob covers Patrick's mouth.]

SpongeBob: You're right, [The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick and SpongeBob] [While he moves past the front side of Patrick, still covering Patrick's mouth] we've just got to keep our heads. Act normal.

[The scene changes to a medium shot of the two. The two talk gibberish. SpongeBob walks in a circle sticking his tongue out. Patrick flops on the ground. SpongeBob starts flopping on the ground. He slides in a curve and then gets up. He grabs his tongue and starts shimmying around. Frankie Billy walks by and stops. Patrick starts crawling. SpongeBob jumps in the air, holding his tongue. He then twirls it around, when he is in the air. Patrick starts bouncing around on his butt and SpongeBob turns his two eyes into one.]

Frankie Billy: Wow, street performers!

[The scene shows a very wide shot of Frankie Billy, SpongeBob and Patrick. A crowd gathers around admiring the show. The crowd cheers. Patrick starts wobbling and SpongeBob moves his eyes around and wiggles his arms. The two stop.]

SpongeBob and Patrick: [yelling] It's not working!

[The two scream and run away. They hit the balloon cart.]

Lou: Hi there!

[SpongeBob and Patrick scream and run away. The salesman looks confused]

Lou: Hey! Don't you want a free balloon? It's National Free Balloon Day!

[SpongeBob and Patrick are shown running at a low shot.]

Patrick: He's onto us!

[The scene shows SpongeBob running in a somewhat tracking shot medium shot.]

SpongeBob: It's not safe for Bikini Bottom anymore. We've got to move fast and cover our tracks.

Patrick: [running while carrying a can of red paint and making a line of red paint on the sand] I'm on it, SpongeBob!

[The two are shown running in a panning shot. The scene fades to show the top of a cliff outside of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Patrick are looking at Bikini Bottom. Their backs are shown.]

SpongeBob: Take a last look Patrick. We can never go back.

[The scene shows the two from the front at a worms-eye view.]

Patrick: [while waving] Goodbye, Bikini Bottom.

[The scene shows SpongeBob in a medium shot.]

SpongeBob: [while picking up a hobo stick] We've only got ourselves and what we can carry on our backs.

[The scene shows Patrick in a medium close-up.]

Patrick: [Picks up a stick.] Yup.

[Patrick struggles. The scene shows a wide shot of the scene. Patrick is shown holding a stick that is attached to a bundle that is attached to his house. Patrick stops.]

SpongeBob: We're going to have to travel lighter.

[The scene fades to a shot of the sunset. Patrick and SpongeBob walk towards the sun. The scene changes to show SpongeBob and Patrick sitting next to a campfire at night in a very wide shot.]

Patrick: I wanna go home.

[The scene shows a wide shot of the two.]

SpongeBob: We can never go home, Pat. We're wanted men. [The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob] We'll spend the rest of our lives running... running, but at least it's warm around the fire.

[The scene returns to the wide shot of the two.]

Patrick: Hey, if we're underwater, how could there be a...

[The fire goes out. An owl noise is heard.]

Patrick: I'm scared, SpongeBob!

[The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: No more nice, warm beds.

[The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick.]

Patrick: Huh?

[The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: [saddened] No more Krabby Patties.

[The scene returns to the medium shot of Patrick. He starts to tear up.]

Patrick: Oh!

SpongeBob: No more getting mail! [A medium close up of Patrick is shown. He sucks his thumb. The scene shows a medium close up of SpongeBob. He starts to tear up.] No more Gary! [A medium shot of Patrick is shown. He rocks back and forth.] [Off-screen] No more movies! [The scene returns to the medium close-up of SpongeBob. He starts crying.] No more Squidward! [The scene returns to the medium shot of Patrick. He is still rocking back and forth] [Off-screen] No more Sandy or Pearl or Mr. Krabs! [The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob. He is holding a long list] [As he throws the list behind himself] No more anything!

[The scene shows a wide shot of SpongeBob and Patrick.]

Patrick: [crying] I want ice cream!

[SpongeBob sniffles.]

SpongeBob: But it doesn't have to be all bad, right? I mean, at least we have each other.

Patrick: [losing sadness] Yeah!

SpongeBob: [The scene changes to show a medium shot of SpongeBob.] And all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?

[A picture of a strong, muscular German man appears. He is wearing nothing but flower-patterned shorts]

Muscle guy: Ja, buns and thighs!

[The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick.]

Patrick: [Standing up] And the bitter cold, it's bracing, isn't it?!

[The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob. He looks like a cubic snowman.]

SpongeBob: Yeah! Maybe being a felon could be... [breaks out of snowman] ...fun! [Loosening tie] We can loosen our ties.

[The scene shows a close up shot of Patrick with a green necktie on his head. There is an air bubble in his head.]

Patrick: Yeah! [Unloosens tie from his head as the scene pans out until it is a medium scene. The air bubble stuck in there deflates. Patrick jumps, waving his hands] And we can fly!

SpongeBob: Yeah! [jumps off a cliff, then falls, screaming, and hits the ground with a thud. His pained voice echoes from the bottom.] Okay... we still can't do that! [crawls back up to Patrick] But we don't have to shave.

[The two sit down. A medium close-up is shown.]

Patrick: [While lifting his left leg] I'm way ahead of you, buddy!

[A close-up of Patrick's hairy left leg is shown. The scene of SpongeBob in a medium close up is shown.]

SpongeBob: And you get to talk tough! [SpongeBob is shown in a wide shot. He transforms his head into a 10-gallon hat.] [imitating a cowboy] This town ain't big enough for the two of us.

Patrick: Uh, let me try: [using a bad impersonation of a cowboy] Uh...hey, punk.

[Patrick laughs. The scene shows a wide shot of the two.]

SpongeBob: And the best part is: now that we're felons, we don't have to return anything we borrowed!

[The scene shows a very wide shot.]

SpongeBob and Patrick: [jumping for joy] Yeah!

[The scene shows a medium shot of Patrick. He lands on his butt.]

Patrick: And we owe it all to [Point at SpongeBob] you.

[The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: What are you talking about? Taking the balloon was your evil plan.

[The scene returns to the medium shot of Patrick.]

Patrick: Oh, I'm nothing but a lot of talk! You're the one with the sticky fingers.

[The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: [blushes happily] Aw, Patrick... [The scene returns to the wide shot of the two.] you're the best bad influence ever!

Patrick: You, too! [The two get up and hug.] I wish we had something to eat, though.

SpongeBob: [As the two sit down and SpongeBob takes out two chocolate bars] Look what I've got!

Patrick: [cheering] Rectangles!

SpongeBob: Not just any rectangles... [The scene shows a close-up of the candy bars] Candy bars!

[The scene shows a close-up of Patrick's face.]

Patrick: Oh!

[The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob.]

SpongeBob: All we have to do is make them last for the rest of our lives!

[SpongeBob gives one to Patrick. The scene returns to the medium shot of Patrick.]

Patrick: Thanks, SpongeBob. I think I'll eat it now! [Patrick takes a big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar, finishes the rest and then sighs.] I think I'll eat it now. [Takes another big bite of his hand.] Ow! Huh? [A close-up of Patrick's hand is shown. The scene returns to the medium scene of Patrick.] Where'd my candy bar go? [Starts digging in sand] I must have dropped it.

[The scene returns to the medium shot of SpongeBob.]

SpongeBob: You just ate it, Pat. It's all over your face.

[The scene shows a medium close-up of Patrick.]

Patrick: [still looking] Where'd it go? I'm gonna starve. [Digs a big hole] Where'd it go?

[The scene pans out to show that SpongeBob has been covered in sand. Patrick pops up from under SpongeBob.]

Patrick: I can't find it! [The scene shows a close-up of Patrick's head] Where could it possibly be? [looks up at SpongeBob, still holding his unopened candy bar.] A-ha!

SpongeBob: What?

Patrick: You stole my candy bar!

SpongeBob: No, I didn't.

Patrick: Oh, so that's how it is, huh? Once a thief, always a thief.

SpongeBob: You ate yours, [points to his candy bar] this is mine.

[The scene shows a close-up shot of Patrick.]

Patrick: You took my only food! [The scene pans down to show a grotesque close-up of Patrick's stomach.] Now I'm gonna starve!

[The scene shows a wide shot of the two.]

SpongeBob: [nicely] Here, Patrick, just take half of mine.

Patrick: Yours?! You mean mine!

SpongeBob: Do you want it or what?!

Patrick: I don't want it unless you admit you took it!

SpongeBob: This is my candy bar!

Patrick: Liar, liar, plants for hire.

SpongeBob: It's "pants on fire," Patrick.

Patrick: Well, you would know... liar.

SpongeBob: Well, if you're going to be that way... I'll eat it myself!

[The scene returns to the medium close-up of Patrick.]

Patrick: You better not. [SpongeBob rips open the wrapper] [fiercely] I'm warning you!

SpongeBob: Aaah... [SpongeBob opens his mouth wide and takes the candy bar closer to his mouth, swaying his tongue up and down.]

Patrick: Don't! [The scene shows an close-up of the candy bar and SpongeBob's mouth. SpongeBob moves his tongue closer, almost touching the bar.] [High-pitched yelling] Stop it! [SpongeBob chomps lightly on the bar] Don't! [The scene shows a close-up of Patrick.] Oh!

[The scene returns to the close-up of SpongeBob. SpongeBob puts the bar in his wide open mouth; his two teeth go across the surface of the bar, making strings of chocolate]

Patrick: [Enraged] Ah! [The scene shows a medium shot of SpongeBob. He puts the bar through his head and moves it left to right. Patrick is jumping around while he covers his ears] Ah! [The scene changes to show a close-up of SpongeBob. He licks the candy bar. The scene shows a close-up of Patrick, he is screaming and shaking his head. SpongeBob is shown licking the candy bar again, but this time his eyes are closed. The close-up of Patrick screaming and shaking is head is shown again. The medium close-up of SpongeBob, he slowly pushes the candy bar into his mouth. He starts chewing. A wide shot of the two is shown.] [angrily turns his face red, while jumping in the air] You're a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon!

SpongeBob: Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?!

Patrick: Oh! That's it! [Patrick stomps his foot down on the firewood. The fire lights up again.] Yow! [Patrick howls in pain, hopping around holding his foot.] First the balloon, now my candy bar... you're out of control! I'm... [menacingly] I'm telling on you.

SpongeBob: [gasps] Not if I tell on you first!

[SpongeBob runs off-screen.]

Patrick: I'll beat you there!

[He runs off-screen. The two are shown running next to each other. The two are shown running from a worm's-eye view]

SpongeBob: You're going to get in trouble!

Patrick: No, you are!

[The scene shows an extremely wide shot of the two running closer to the foreground.]

[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick running to the Bikini Bottom Police Station. The scene pans into the building. The scene shows the interior. It shows Officer Rob at the front desk.]

SpongeBob and Patrick: He... When... him... [The scene then shows SpongeBob and Patrick in the point-of-view of Officer Rob] and the balloon... and the boom... I...

[The scene then shows a worm's-eye view of the desk]

Officer Rob: What can I do for you, boys?

SpongeBob and Patrick: [they look at each other] We stole a balloon! [both start sobbing]

Patrick: [off-camera] I'm not good!

SpongeBob: [off-camera] We stole a balloon!

Officer John: [While walking into frame] What's the problem here?

Officer Rob: Well, it appears these two stole a balloon.

SpongeBob: [as he and Patrick hold back tears] What are you going to do to us?

Officer Rob: [Officer John whispers in Officer Rob's ear] Okay, follow me.

[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick walking into prison Cell 1B. Officer Rob, standing beside Officer John, holds the cell door.]

Officer Rob: If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. [closes the cell door and waits for a moment] Okay, time's up. [opens the cell] Now, get out.

SpongeBob: But... but we stole a balloon.

Officer Rob: Yeah, on Free Balloon Day. [The two officers laugh. SpongeBob and Patrick are shocked.]

[Bubble transition to a medium shot of the exterior of the Police Station. Officer Rob has some lollipops in his fin.]

Officer Rob: How about some lollipops for the road, boys?

[SpongeBob takes the lollipops. He gives one to Patrick.]

SpongeBob: Let's vow never to borrow anything without permission again.

Patrick: You said it! [The two put both their lollipops together, but Patrick's is already eaten. The scene shows a close up of Patrick's face. Patrick's mouth is covered with some lollipop residue.] All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop? [SpongeBob and the two officers start laughing. Patrick joins in. The scene then shows Bikini Atoll at night.]

SpongeBob: Oh, brother. [The laughter stops.]

Patrick: [offscreen] I mean it. [The episode ends.]