[SpongeBob is standing on a hill looking at his grandma's house]

SpongeBob: There it is! Grandma's house! What wonders await me today? Fresh-baked cookies? Story time? A sweater with love in every stitch? Aw, what am I waiting for? [runs down the hill] Grandma, Grandma, Grandma!

Grandma SquarePants: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Hi, Grandma! [hugs her as the two walk into the kitchen]

Grandma: Come in and sit for a while. [gives SpongeBob a plate of cookies] Have a cookie, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Grandma, you make the best cookies in the deep blue sea. [grabs a cookie and dips it in a glass of milk] Oh yeah... [eats it. His eyes turn into cookies] Grandma's cookies...

Grandma: Now, who wants to lick the spoon? [SpongeBob raises his hand]

SpongeBob: Me, me, me! [cut to Grandma telling SpongeBob a story while he licks the spoon]

Grandma: ...and then we drove all the way home with all the windows down in the freezing cold.

SpongeBob: Tell me another story about when I was a baby. [cuckoo clock strikes three. SpongeBob gasps] Three o'clock? I'm gonna be late for work!

Grandma: Hop in my car, I'll drop you off. [cut to Grandma driving up to the Krusty Krab]

SpongeBob: Thanks, Grandma! [hops out of the car]

Grandma: SpongeBob, you forgot your kissy-kissy! [SpongeBob turns around and heads back to Grandma. Squidward is watching from the window while polishing from inside]

SpongeBob: I sure did. [Grandma gives him a kiss, leaving a pink print on his forehead of her lips] Bye, Grandma, thanks for the ride. [Squidward opens the door for SpongeBob] Thank you, Squidward. [walks inside while whistling to some laughing from everyone] Isn't this great? Everybody's in a good mood today.

Squidward: I love bursting your bubble, SpongeBob, but they're laughing at you, not with you.

SpongeBob: Did I do something funny?

Squidward: Your forehead. [points to the kiss]

SpongeBob: My forehead is funny?

Charlie: Hey, hey, Grandma's boy? Kissy-kissy-kissy! [everyone laughs]

SpongeBob: No, you're wrong! There's nothing wrong with getting kisses from your grandma.

Charlie: No, especially if you're a big baby who wears diapers! [everyone laughs] And sucks his thumb, and plays with dolls, and, um... [soon, everyone stops laughing] ...wears pajamas with feet in 'em, and carries his, um... binky around, and...

Customers: All right already!

Squidward: Cheer up, SpongeBob. I know someone who still likes you.

SpongeBob: Really? You do, Squidward?

Squidward: Yeah, your grandma! [everyone laughs. SpongeBob tries getting the kiss off with his hand and a mop but nothing seems to work. Everyone is still laughing at him]

All: [laughing at SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: [yelling] Stop it! [everyone stops] I have been publicly humiliated for the last time! [runs home crying. Bubble transitions to SpongeBob's house]

Patrick: I'm sorry that happened to you, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Me, too.

Patrick: You're the most adult person I know.

SpongeBob: Thanks, Patrick.

Patrick: You know how grandmas are, they love babies. You just can't act like a baby around her.

SpongeBob: You're right, Patrick.

Patrick: Have I ever not been right? [cut to a picture of SpongeBob on a giant red firecracker, a picture of SpongeBob with a giant funnel in his mouth while Patrick holds a giant pumpkin, and a picture of SpongeBob and Patrick in black speedos while a wolf whistle is heard in the background] You're a man now, SpongeBob, and it's time you starting acting like one.

SpongeBob: Yeah! Oh, but I'm not sure I know how.

Patrick: Allow me to demonstrate. First, puff out your chest. [SpongeBob obediently puffs out his chest] Now say, "tax exemption!"

SpongeBob: "Tax exemption!"

Patrick: Now, you must acquire a taste for free-form jazz. [jazz music plays] ...Okay, SpongeBob, you're ready! [cut to both walking up on the hill facing Grandma's house] This is it. What are you gonna tell Grandma?

SpongeBob: I'm a grown up!

Patrick: No ifs, ands, or buts about it!

SpongeBob: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!

Patrick: And then you get behind her and I'll push!

SpongeBob: Patrick, we didn't say that.

Patrick: Oh yeah, right.

SpongeBob: All we need now is the icing on the maturity cake. [takes out a suitcase] I've been growing these babies for years... [opens it to reveal sideburns. Both of them take a pair and put them on]

SpongeBob and Patrick: Sideburns! [SpongeBob knocks on Grandma's door]

Grandma: [opens door] Oh, hello, SpongeBob. What a nice surprise. Come here and give your Granny her kissy-kissy. [as she is about to kiss him, SpongeBob puts on a helmet to block it]

SpongeBob: [removes his "Kisses Not Allowed" helmet off his head] Sorry, grandmother, but the kissing has to stop.

Patrick: Tell her like it is, SpongeBob, no more baby stuff.

SpongeBob: He is right, Grandmother. Kisses are for babies, which I am no longer. I have grown up. It is nature's way.

Grandma: Oh, you are absolutely right.

SpongeBob: I am? I mean, of course I am.

Grandma: You will definitely not be treated like a baby around here ever again.

SpongeBob: I am glad you see it my way, grandmother. [puts on a hat]

Grandma: Well, I'm glad that's settled. [holds out a tray of cookies] But what am I going to do with all these fresh baked cookies?

SpongeBob: [chuckles] Sorry, grandmother, we adults don't partake in the consumption of sweets, right, Pat... [notices Patrick isn't there] ...rick? [cut to Patrick sitting at the kitchen table]

Patrick: Keep 'em coming, Granny! [scarfs down the cookies as SpongeBob watches from a window]

SpongeBob: So much for no more baby stuff.

Grandma: And don't forget the cookie-eating hat! [puts a red hat with springs attached to yellow smiley faces on top of Patrick's head. They both laugh]

SpongeBob: Hey, that's my cookie-eating hat! I mean it was when I was a baby. [growls in frustration; then knocks on the door. His Grandma opens it]

Grandma: Well, look who's here. It's my big old adult grandson.

SpongeBob: Grandmother, I need to have a mature conversation with Mr. Patrick. [runs up to Patrick, who still eats his snack] [whispering loudly] Patrick! What are you doing?! Cookies?! Warm milk?! A bib?! [points to it, which reads "I heart Grandma"] Is that a kissy mark on your forehead?! We are supposed to be adults! [bangs on the table]

Grandma: Oh, oh, no roughhousing with a full tummy. [tickles Patrick] Who's the baby?

Patrick: I'm the baby, I'm the baby, I'm the baby! [SpongeBob clears his throat] Being grown up is boring. I love being a baby. Besides, I don't get jazz.

SpongeBob: [chuckles] Poor Patrick. I almost feel sorry for you. [takes out a pipe and blows bubbles from it] Trapped in the awkward phase of diaper days... never to know the rich rewards of being a grownup. [Grandma comes back with more cookies]

Grandma: Here's a fresh batch of cookies.

Patrick: All right! [eats them] Rewards, huh?

SpongeBob: Well, yeah, there's, eh... [sees Patrick eating cookies with his mouth open] well, let's see, we... [a cookie rolls over to his side] We went over the jazz... [Patrick grabs the cookie and eats it]

Patrick: Oh, Grandma, I'm full. [Grandma sets down another plate of cookies]

Grandma: More cookies! [Patrick uses his mouth like a vacuum and eats all the cookies. One of the cookies rolls over by SpongeBob's side. He whistles for a brief second, then checks his wristwatch]

SpongeBob: It appears to be my lunch hour. Grownups have to eat to. I guess this will have to do. [Grandma takes the cookie away]

Grandma: Oh, you don't want this baby food. How about a big piece of steamed coral? [gives him the coral]

SpongeBob: Oh yeah, uh... great. [takes a couple bites of it] Nutritious.

Grandma: Storytime! [Patrick runs to Grandma]

Patrick: Oh, boy! Storytime, storytime, storytime!

SpongeBob: Storytime? [Patrick is sitting on Grandma's lap, ready to hear a story]

Grandma: You'll enjoy this, Patrick. It's a wonderful story about a magical sea leprechaun. [SpongeBob walks in] Oh, SpongeBob, you wouldn't be interested in this baby book. [drops a giant book on the floor] Here's the technical manual on routine active maintenance.

SpongeBob: Oh, uh... great. Yeah. [opens the book] Fascinating. No pictures, just the way I like it. [while eating a cookie, Patrick bites his finger leaving a big red bruise]

Patrick: [acting like a 2-year old] D'oh! My wittle finger! [cries]

Grandma: Hold still, hold still. [kisses his finger] All better?

Patrick: [talking normally] Sorta.... [holds up his other finger] this finger hurts a little bit too. [SpongeBob is angry at what he sees then covers himself with the book he was reading]

Grandma: How about I give you a present? [SpongeBob then uncovers himself and sees Patrick with the present]

Patrick: Oh, boy, I hope it's cookies! [opens up the box, then the box cover lands on SpongeBob's head to find a sweater, but puts it on his head] Alright! Another hat!

Grandma: No, Patrick, it's a sweater.

SpongeBob: [removes the box cover from his head] Huh?

Grandma: With love in every stitch.

SpongeBob: No... [imagines himself in the sweater instead of Patrick. The sweater tears in half] Don't I get a present, Grandma?

Grandma: Oh, I almost forgot. [hands him some office supplies] Here's some office supplies. I didn't wrap them. I knew you wouldn't mind. [cuckoo clock strikes three again] Uh-oh, three o'clock, time for adults to go to work. Bye-bye, SpongeBob.

[Patrick gets the sweater on]

Grandma: I'll bet you'd fancy a nap, huh, Patrick? [Patrick yawns] You still here, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Uh, I don't need to leave yet. I can be late for work.

Grandma: [puts a blanket over Patrick as he lays on the couch] No, no, no, that wouldn't be the adult thing to do.

SpongeBob: Alright, I guess I'll be going. I've, uh, got a lot of adult-type business to take care of, so, uh, I'll see ya later.

Grandma: Okay, thanks for stopping by, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Yep, that is it. Here I go.

Grandma: Come again if you get the chance.

SpongeBob: [opens the door] Out into the cold, grown-up world alone without a sweater.

Grandma: Toodleloo.

SpongeBob: I don't know when I'll be back.

Grandma: I know how busy you are.

SpongeBob: So, uh... that's it. [Patrick is sleeping]

Grandma: Shh, he's asleep.

SpongeBob: [slowly closes the door] Soooo loooong... [closes it but then slams it open with sad eyes and gets irritated and annoyed. His sideburns fall off of his head. He starts throwing a big tantrum] I don't wanna grow up! [holds up a giant chocolate chip cookie and snaps it in half in front of his face] I want cookies! [holds up a giant baby bottle with milk inside] And milky! [wears a sweater] I want a sweater with love in the stitches! [runs around wearing a diaper with a blue pin on it as he's putting baby powder in it] I wanna wear didies! [rides in a wagon] I wanna ride in my wagon! [holds his giant teddy bear] I wanna cuddle-wuddle with Mr. Stuffykins! [rides his old rocking horse with a sailor hat on and a lollipop] I wanna rocky-rock on my seahorsey! [holds up his bruised finger] And I want a kissy-kissy on my boo-boo! [bawling and falls the floor, slamming his fists on the floor. He then rolls like a wheel and munching over baby stuff. Grandma is shocked and sad for him. SpongeBob, sitting, sprays his tears in his mouth. Grandma thinks for a second. SpongeBob continues bawling hysterically as he ratchets like a lawn sprinkler, hyperventilating and almost spinning around and sprays tears everywhere. He spins even faster and floods the whole house of hurricane]

Grandma: Take it easy, SpongeBob. [picks up the SpongeBob crying and hyperventilating.] SpongeBob. SpongeBob! [SpongeBob continues sobbing and hyperventilating until Grandma stops him by holding his lips] You don't have to be a baby to get ol' Grandma's love.

SpongeBob: [sniffles as he starts to feel a bit better for sad eyes] I don't?

Grandma: Of course not. [pulls the plug under the tear flood since SpongeBob crying over baby stuff to drain it] No matter how grown-up you get, you'll always be my little baby boo. [Grandma tickles SpongeBob, then kisses his forehead] And remember, you can kiss your grandma and still be an adult. [hands SpongeBob his sideburns and a chocolate chip cookie] Here you go. [SpongeBob puts on his sideburns and eats the cookie]

SpongeBob: Thanks, Grandma. [bites the cookie] Uh, Grandma, could you not mention this to the guys down at the Krusty Krab?

Grandma: No problem. [hugs SpongeBob. Outside, Squidward and everyone else are laughing]