[The episode begins with the camera showing the exterior of the Krusty Krab behind the coral reefs.]

French Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Home of the Krabby Patty, [cut to a live-action patty] with its top secret formula, [cut to inside the Krusty Krab] known only to those who are brave enough and intelligent enough to comprehend its culinary complexity.

[SpongeBob is balancing a spatula on his nose behind the register]

SpongeBob: Look, Mr. Krabs. I'm doing it, I'm doing it!

Mr. Krabs: Quit foolin’ around, SpongeBob, we got customers.

French Narrator: But wherever there's a secret recipe, there is someone who wants to steal it. [Plankton laughs evilly while standing in the head of a Fish Robot. The head falls down]

Plankton: Oof, ouch! [his Fish Robot's arm turns into a mirror] And now for the final touch. [puts on a mustache] Perfect! With this disguise, that formula is as good as mine. [laughs then stops and clears his throat and his mirror turns back into his robot’s arm as he wheels himself into the restaurant]

Fish Robot: Are you SpongeBob SquarePants?

[SpongeBob looks at his reflection in the spatula]

SpongeBob: Why, yes. Yes I am.

Fish Robot: [holds up a big check] Then you've just won one million dollars!

[SpongeBob gasps]

Fish Robot: You just have to answer one question. What is the Krabby Patty secret formula?

SpongeBob: [inhales]

Fish Robot: Yes?

SpongeBob: [inhales again]

Fish Robot: Yes?

SpongeBob: [inhales yet again]

Fish Robot: Yes?!

SpongeBob: [speaking rapidly fast, like narrating a commercial] The Krabby Patty formula is the sole property of the Krusty Krab and is only to be discussed in part or in whole with its creator, Mr. Krabs. Duplication of this formula is punishable by law. Restrictions apply, results may vary.

[Sudden silence. The Fish Robot smiles, then the mustache falls off the robot, shakes, then Plankton crashes through the teeth]

Plankton: [growls] That's it! [jumps on SpongeBob's nose and holds his eyelids] You'd better cough up that secret formula or else!

Mr. Krabs: Plankton!

Plankton: [looks at Mr. Krabs] Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Plankton!

Plankton: Krabs!

SpongeBob: SpongeBob.

[Mr. Krabs grabs Plankton and a straw, then puts Plankton in the straw]

Plankton: You can't do this to me, Krabs! [Mr. Krabs blows Plankton back to the Chum Bucket] I went to college! [crashes into his restaurant] Ouch.

Mr. Krabs: That Plankton is a clever beast. You've got to keep a sharp eye out for him, SpongeBob. The Krabby Patty law must be enforced. The future of the Krusty Krab depends on it.

SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, as long as these pants are square, [grabs himself] and this sponge is Bob, [lifts his arms up] I will not let you down!

Mr. Krabs: Uh, SpongeBob? [the camera zooms out to reveal SpongeBob holding Mr. Krabs above his head] Could you let me down? [cut to later, at the Krusty Krab]

Fish: Man, these patties sure are delicious. I wonder what's in that secret formula.

[The siren goes off. SpongeBob slides down the pole from the crow's nest]

SpongeBob: Code twelve, code twelve! [bounces off a trampoline and grabs the customer's head] Your disguises can't fool me this time, Plankton! [pulls the head off to reveal a smaller head on the customer; everyone gasps]

Fish: Everyone at the head enhancement clinic said nobody would notice! [runs off crying]

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! You're scarin’ away me money!

SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs, I was just trying to protect the secret formula.

Mr. Krabs: That's no reason to rip other people's heads off, boy. Just remember the most important rule.

SpongeBob: No free napkins?

Mr. Krabs: No! The other most important rule. Regardin’ the secret formula.

SpongeBob: Only discuss the formula with Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: As long as you do that, the secret is safe.

Squidward: I always thought the most important rule was "why do today what you can put off till tomorrow?" [laughs]

Mr. Krabs: What is today, but yesterday's tomorrow?

Squidward: Huh?

[Cut to Mr. Krabs and Squidward in a storage room]

Mr. Krabs: Today, I want you to take inventory on everything in here; every last pickle and patty must be accounted for.

Squidward: Aye aye, captain.

[Mr. Krabs leaves. When Squidward walks over to the stock, glowing eyes appear; Squidward writes something on a notepad]

Squidward: Two boxes of buns. Three pounds of patties.

[A poorly-constructed robot made to look like Mr. Krabs approaches Squidward.]

Robot Krabs: [mechanical voice] Mr. Squidward...

Squidward: What now, Mr. Krabs?

Robot Krabs: That's right, I am Krabs. [cut to inside the robot to show that it's being controlled by Plankton.]

Plankton: Your boss, your ruler, your master! [laughs evilly]

Robot Krabs: Ha, ha, ha. [exhaust smoke spurts out]

Squidward: [not fooled] You're not Mr. Krabs.

Robot Krabs: Hey, why don't you take the rest of the day off?

Squidward: [chuckles and runs to the door] Well... whatever you say, "Mr. Krabs." [laughs] Whoopee! [runs out as SpongeBob walks in]

SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Krabs.

Plankton: Oh, sweet domination. This is it!

SpongeBob: No sign of Plankton, yet. Gosh, Mr. Krabs. You don't look so good. [touches his body] Ooh, you're so cold. [knocks on his pants]

Robot Krabs: That's just my metal suit. I made it to protect the formula.

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! SpongeBob! [second "SpongeBob!" echoes]

Plankton: It's that thick-headed Krabs. He'll ruin everything.

Robot Krabs: Look, a jellyfish. [points in another direction]

[SpongeBob takes out his net and runs around]

SpongeBob: I got it, I got it.

[Plankton presses the "Abort" button. When he does, Robot Krabs transforms into a toaster]

SpongeBob: I got it, I got it.

[Mr. Krabs enters the storage room]

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! [SpongeBob stops and looks at the toaster, which releases its toast, then looks at Mr. Krabs]

SpongeBob: [knocks on Mr. Krabs' pants] Hey, Mr. Krabs, what happened to your metal pants?

Mr. Krabs: Don't go all loopy on me, boy. I need your help. Where in the high seas is Squidward?

SpongeBob: You gave him the day off.

Mr. Krabs: [pupils shrink] Day... [bellows] ...o-o-o-o-offf?!'' [makes steam come out of the chimney] I don't know the meanin’ of them horrible words! [SpongeBob falls down] Now quit your layin’ around, SpongeBob, and take out that garbage! It's startin’ to give me a rash. [exits]

SpongeBob: Yes, sir, Mr. Krabs, sir! [puts a clothespin on his nose and is going to take the trash out, but Robot Krabs stops him] Hey, Mr. Krabs, just takin’ out that garbage.

Robot Krabs: Never mind that. I need to talk to you. [takes the trash bag and vaporizes it with his laser eyes]

SpongeBob: Whoa-ho, Mr. Krabs. I didn't know you had heat vision.

Robot Krabs: Never mind. I need you to tell me...

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!

Robot Krabs: Yoicks! [runs off]

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I'm not payin’ you to stand around. [gives him a spatula] Get back to the kitchen!

SpongeBob: But I thought you wanted to ask me a question.

Mr. Krabs: Yes... why aren't you workin’ harder?

SpongeBob: [slowly and confused] I don't know, Mr. Krabs... I don't know. [both walk out]

Plankton: I'll never get that formula with that pest Krabs popping in and out like that. I've got it! I've been saving this for a rainy day. [holds up a penny] It looks like an ordinary penny... because it is an ordinary penny! That fool Krabs is too greedy to ignore you, my little pretty. [laughs evilly. The penny pops out of the nose and rolls around into Mr. Krabs' office]

Mr. Krabs: That sound, it sounds like... the pitter-patter of... [sees the penny] money! [squeals] Hey, where you goin’, beautiful?

[SpongeBob knocks on Mr. Krabs' door]

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs... [the penny slides out of the office] Wha... [Mr. Krabs busts down the door on top of SpongeBob]

Mr. Krabs: Stop! Please! [the penny slides between the crack of the doors and rolls away with Mr. Krabs running after it] Wait!

[Robot Krabs is hiding behind the sign pole, then peeks out to see that Mr. Krabs is out of the Krusty Krab.]

Robot Krabs: Nothing stands between me and that secret formula now. [snaps off some of the Krusty Krab sign pole. As he laughs evilly, the sign falls on top of him] Ouch!

[Cut to SpongeBob, who is scrubbing the floor]

SpongeBob: Scrub-a-dub-dub, I love to rub. [Robot Krabs rolls by] Hey, Mr. Krabs, just doin’ a little scrubbin'.

Robot Krabs: Hello, SpongeBob, it is me, Mr. Krabs. [exhaust pipe smokes] In the flesh. [exhaust pipe smokes again] Standing right in front of you. [pipe smokes again] With no one else around.

SpongeBob: I can see that, Mr. Krabs.

Robot Krabs: I thought we might discuss the Krabby Patty secret formula. [a microphone comes out of Robot Krabs]

SpongeBob: Isn't that a microphone?

Robot Krabs: What? Why, yes it is. [puts the microphone back inside his body] I must get this shirt cleaned. Alright, now tell me the secret formula.

SpongeBob: But, sir, we haven't done the secret handshake yet.

Robot Krabs: Oh yes. Here, let's shake.

SpongeBob: [laughs] We don't shake with our hands, remember?

Robot Krabs: Uh, right, why don't you start?

SpongeBob: We stand on one foot. [they do] Balance a glass of chocolate milk on our heads and sing the Bikini Bottom National Anthem. [they do]

SpongeBob and Robot Krabs: Oh, Bikini Bottom, we pledge our hearts to you, as faithful, as deep, as true, as blue, Bikini Bottom, we love you!

Robot Krabs: Formula time?

SpongeBob: Almost.

French Narrator: Six and a half hours later...

[Plankton grunts frantically, adjusting controls in his control room, as he gets Robot Krabs into a cannon which spits him out, through a flame ring, and onto a chair at a table, which has a plate of spaghetti on top. He opens up the robot's belt buckle and dumps the spaghetti in there]

Robot Krabs: Yum yum, this spaghetti sure is good. Belch!

SpongeBob and Robot Krabs: Meatball. Meatball. Spaghetti underneath. Ravioli. Ravioli. Great Barrier Reef. [clap]

Robot Krabs: Okay, now let's hear that formula.

SpongeBob: Sorry, [takes off his chef mustache] no can do, Mr. Krabs.

[Robot Krabs' eyes are now on fire]

Robot Krabs: Whaaaaaaaaaat?!

Plankton: [exploding in rage] But we did everything you said-- I followed all the rules! I even ate 105 black licorice jellybeans through a straw! [holds up a straw]

Robot Krabs: Now why can't you tell me the formula?

SpongeBob: It's your rule. Never speak the formula. You told me to keep it in... [holds up a bottle with a piece of paper in it] ...this bottle.

[Robot Krabs opens its eyes. A ding sound is produced]

Plankton: [overly excited and tense] This is it, Plankton. [starts pushing on a lever] Gently, now...

[Plankton continues to push on the lever that makes Robot Krabs' arm stretch out more. Plankton gets increasingly excited as he stretches out the arm further and further, laughing excitingly and sweating continuously. A penny rolls through the door and Mr. Krabs comes in. Everyone in the kitchen gasps, including the guy on the penny]

Mr. Krabs: [gasps]

SpongeBob: [gasps]

Guy on the Penny: [gasps]

Robot Krabs: Gasp!

Mr. Krabs: How could you do this, SpongeBob? Givin’ me secret formula to this... impostor?!

Robot Krabs: Don't listen to him, SpongeBob. Remember: Ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuoli.

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, no! Don't listen to him. I'm the real Mr. Krabs.

Robot Krabs: [runs towards Mr. Krabs] Don't listen to him. He's obviously a robot. [exhaust pipe smokes]

Mr. Krabs: Well, if I was a robot, which I'm not, at least I'm well put together. Not some rusted-out, steam-driven pile of junk!

Robot Krabs: Who are you callin’ steam-driven...?

SpongeBob: [unable to handle the pressure, explodes in frustration] Quiet! [SpongeBob is holding a giant hose in his hands and his eyes bloodshot] Until I know who the real Mr. Krabs is, nobody moves, [it is soon revealed that the hose is attached and bubbled to a large tartar sauce machine] nobody gets hurt.

Mr. Krabs and Robot Krabs: Tartar sauce?!

Mr. Krabs: Take it easy with that thing, son.

[SpongeBob squirts some tartar sauce at Mr. Krabs causing him to jump into Robot Krabs' arms]

SpongeBob: I'll do the talkin’ around here. I think I'll just ask you two a couple of questions. Questions only the real Mr. Krabs could answer.

Mr. Krabs: Okay, then.

SpongeBob: First question: What time does the Krusty Krab open?

Robot Krabs: [beats Mr. Krabs to it] 9:30 A.M.

SpongeBob: Right. [to Mr. Krabs] That's one strike, Mr. Fake.

Mr. Krabs: But...

SpongeBob: Nuh-uh-uh! I'm runnin’ this quiz show, I'll ask the questions. If there's gonna be any 'buts,' they're gonna be from me. [walks forward, while rubbing the hose nozzle] Okay, question number two: How much does a Krabby Patty cost?

Mr. Krabs: $2.99!

SpongeBob: On Wednesday...

Robot Krabs: 99¢!

SpongeBob: Right again! [to Mr. Krabs] You're startin’ to look pretty phony right about now. I'd be nervous if I were you. [walks forward] Now only the really real Mr. Krabs could answer this — If we're discussing the secret formula on the third Wednesday in January and it's not raining outside after we've gargled with vanilla pudding, what do we do?

Mr. Krabs: That's an easy one. You just...just... let's see... if its...uh... if it's January... with...with vanilla pudding...you...uh...pass? [Mr. Krabs is shot out of the Krusty Krab with tartar sauce into a fry basket] Wait, SpongeBob! Give me another chance! [Rolls away in the basket] No!

SpongeBob: So long, Imitation Krabs! Buh-bye! [walks back inside] I knew it was you all along, Mr. Krabs, here you go. [holds up the formula bottle]

Robot Krabs: Thank you, SpongeDupe. [grabs the bottle and laughs mechanically. SpongeBob sees the penny on the ground]

SpongeBob: Oop! [grabs the penny from the ground] Don't forget your lucky penny. [puts the penny inside a slot on Robot Krabs that is labeled "Self-Destruct: 1 cent"]

Robot Krabs: Yoinks.

SpongeBob: This must be your lucky day. [laughs]

[cut to inside the control room of Robot Krabs where an alarm is going off]

Karen: The self-destruct coin slot has been activated. Ten seconds till detonation.

Plankton: Coin-operated self-destruct... Not one of my better ideas. Heeeelp! [screams as he takes the secret formula and wheels back to the Chum Bucket, but explodes when he gets inside and it's too late. The giant hand thuds on top of him] Ouch! [the formula bottle rolls back to SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: [picks up the formula, realizing his mistake] If that was Plankton... Uh-oh!

Mr. Krabs: [off-screen] Help! Get away! No!

SpongeBob: [gasps] Mr. Krabs!

[Mr. Krabs, still in the fry basket, is holding a fry against Hans. Hans holds a fork and tries to prod it at Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs tries to fight off Hans by swiping the fry to deflect the fork. SpongeBob runs to Mr. Krabs.]

Hans: Ooh… yum-yum! [attempts to prod his fork at Mr. Krabs continuously]

Mr. Krabs: [swiping the fry as he speaks] Back, you hungry hand, back! Help!

[SpongeBob wheels Mr. Krabs back to the Krusty Krab safely. Hans tries to follow Mr. Krabs, but fails.]

SpongeBob: Gee, Mr. Krabs. I'm sorry. I thought you were a phony.

Mr. Krabs: Phew, that's okay, me lad. Long as the secret formula's safe again. [takes the bottle] However, that penny's comin’ out of your paycheck. [both laughing]

[The scene cuts to the sky view exterior of the Krusty Krab.]

SpongeBob: Really? [The episode ends.]